


Last Summer

by hauntedlullabies



Category: Regular Show
Genre: Abuse, An OC - Freeform, Angst, Chad is an angel literally, Depression, Domestic Violence, Eventual Rape/Non-Con, Fighting, Human AU, Humanized, Hurt/Comfort, Jeremy being an asshole, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Mordecai is the best boyfriend ever, Mordecai trying his best, Muscle Man being an asshole, Occasional fluff, Rigby please, Romance, Smoking, Smut, They are people, im not a furry, im soft, protect rigby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 00:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedlullabies/pseuds/hauntedlullabies
Summary: A couple months ago, Rigby was healthy. He and Mordecai shared precious moments that went far beyond friendship. Since then, Rigby has slipped further and further into the rabbit hole of his depression, and Mordecai now knows how hard it is to be in love with someone who is so emotionally damaged.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! So I actually already have this story posted over on fanfiction.net, but I really wanted to bring it over here as well. I have most of this done, and I actually am writing the very last chapters as of right now! I'll probably post a chapter once a week? Once every few days? We'll see!
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy! xoxo

Though it was early afternoon, the air was chilly and Mordecai shivered as he breathed out a white puff of smoke. He slowly paced back and forth in a little circle, empty hand in his hoodie pocket. The leaves on the trees were different tints of red and orange and the smell of Pumpkin Spice anything could be detected even from where he was. This was still preferable over the hot and stickiness that Summer brought. He could’ve opted for sitting in the car, but he didn’t want the interior to smell like cigarettes. 

Rigby finally emerged from the building, obviously trying to hide the fact that he looked like he just got hit by a bus. Mordecai dropped his cigarette on the road, flattening it with the toe of his Vans sneaker. For a second there was just silence. Mordecai looked down at Rigby, while Rigby looked down at his own shoes. The taller didn’t say anything; he waited until he was ready to talk. 

“Lindy wants to put me on new meds.” A pause.

“New, _expensive _, meds.”__

__That was it. Mordecai had picked Rigby up from enough therapy sessions to know whether it went well or not just by deliberating his body language. But this seemed a bit foreign. This seemed like it affected Rigby a whole lot more than Mordecai would’ve assumed. He wiped his eye with the back of his hand, and that’s when Mordecai knew it was time to step in._ _

__“You think Benson’ll give you more work?” The shorter shrugged._ _

__“I dunno, man. It’s not even the price. It’s just…” he took a breath. “It feels like there’s something wrong with me.”_ _

__That sentence hit Mordecai in the chest like a rock. He knew that Rigby wasn’t the most emotionally stable person, and he knew that he was really just trying his best. He understood that something like that could be seen as a setback, especially since he’d been going to his current therapist for a few months now. Rigby looked at him, like he was expecting him to say something. Mordecai leaned down and kissed him on the lips. He hoped that gave Rigby at least a little bit of solace, since he didn’t really know what to say._ _

__“Wanna go back home and nap?” Mordecai asked. With a nod, they climbed into the car. The ride back to the park was a silent one; silent, but comfortable. Mordecai glanced to the side at Rigby while they were stopped at a red light. He had put his feet up on the seat, and was leaning on the door. It hurt to see him so broken, lost. Every time Mordecai looked at him, it was as if he was trying to scream, knowing he needed attention but his own voice became lost underneath the thick layers of insecurities. Rigby probably thought the whole thing was bullshit, and he probably didn’t think Mordecai was affected by it as much as he was. He often thought very little of himself, and that totally crushed Mordecai. He didn’t want his best friend to feel this way._ _

__After arriving at the park, Mordecai killed the engine but stayed in the car. He let his hands slide from the steering wheel and drop down to his sides. He wanted to say something to comfort him. He wanted to say something to make it all better. Seeing Rigby like this was so draining and depressing. Mordecai wanted to help, but he feared his attempts would be overbearing._ _

__“Do you wanna… talk about it?” he asked. There was no reply. Rigby just looked at him, then back down at his knees. Mordecai took that as a “no,” mentally kicking himself for asking such a weak question. Rigby seemed like he wasn’t in the mood to anyway. He sighed, taking the key out of the ignition._ _

__“Okay baby.” A hint of pink diffused Rigby’s cheeks, and he got out of the car. Mordecai sat there in the driver’s seat for a few more minutes. He couldn’t tell whether he was helping him or just being a half-ass of a boyfriend. Rigby’s been a walking shell of his former self these past few months, so it was possible he wasn’t even getting through to him at all._ _

__He went around the house to find Skips in his room, meditating. He walked in, closing the door behind him. Skips looked like he was expecting Mordecai to consult him. He was always one to read people well; he understood how people worked. By that, Skips found out about the two of them pretty early on. He was the only one at the park who knew._ _

__“Skips can I… can I ask you something?” He nodded, silently encouraging him to continue._ _

__“It’s about Rigby. It’s like, he’s not even himself anymore and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it.” Skips stood up._ _

__“Look, Mordecai. Rigby’s at a point right now where he doesn’t want to be saved. He doesn’t want help from anyone, because he thinks he can do it alone.” He put his hand on the other’s shoulder._ _

__“He just needs someone. You have to show him that you’re there for him.” Mordecai nodded, smiling crookedly at him as a “thank you.” Skips always knew best._ _

__Mordecai went inside the house, sneaking upstairs in case Rigby had already fallen asleep. He saw him lying there unconscious, in Mordecai’s bed. That sight was a little reassuring; he just hoped he could convey his efforts to Rigby like Skips had said. He knew he was going through a rough patch right now._ _

__Mordecai replaced his skinny jeans with a pair of sweatpants and crawled in under the covers behind Rigby. For a moment he laid on his side, just watching his body rise and fall with the cycle of steady breaths. His beautifully tanned skin was additionally lustrous under the shift of the midday sun. It had kept its light sun-kissed pigment from the previous months, and Mordecai loved the way it looked against his own ashen flesh._ _

__Uncontrollably, Mordecai wrapped his arms around Rigby’s torso, holding him so firmly to his own body. He buried his face in the other’s neck, breathing him in. Rigby had this earthy scent that steadied Mordecai’s pulse and crinkled his toes. He loved the way Rigby smelled._ _

__Sleep soon clouded over him, drifting his body away from consciousness while his grasp on Rigby remained. The feeling of their close intimacy never left as Mordecai fell into a deep, much needed rest. His dreams soon reached him, planting pictures of the other in his mind. He saw his deep brown eyes, his freckles on his face, his bright smile. Mordecai loved the way Rigby smiled. He was glad he had his memories, because Rigby didn’t do much of that these days._ _


	2. Chapter 2

Mordecai woke up alone. When he saw the empty space before him, it was like his chest had been weighed down and it was almost too difficult to get out of bed. He reached over and felt the sheets on Rigby’s side. They were still slightly warm, indicating that it hadn’t been too long since he had gotten up. Mordecai threw on a hoodie, silently cursing Benson for keeping the house so damn cold all the time. 

He tugged his sleeves past his hands as he went downstairs, thinking about where Rigby could be. His usual places for solitary sulking were up in a tree, locked in the bathroom, or on the roof of the house. His searching wouldn’t last more than 30 seconds, as he saw Rigby sitting out on the steps in front of the house. He was in a tee shirt, but didn’t appear cold as he stared off into the pale blue horizon. His headphones were in and from inside the house Mordecai could see him slightly nodding his head, lost in his music. 

Mordecai wanted nothing more than to hold him forever, to somehow remove the gray cloud that was constantly looming over him. Yet inside Mordecai was scared to say something. Before, he had failed to just talk to him about it, because he was too anxious. With all the macabre and off-beat baggage that came with working at the park, it was ridiculous to think his biggest fear was taking risks. He didn’t talk to Rigby in depth about what he was feeling nor did he do anything significant to snap him back into the man he was before, the one Mordecai knew a couple months ago. The risk of upsetting his best friend even more or turning Rigby away from him was what kept him from acting on these thoughts. He was just there, and that wasn’t enough. He placed his hand on the doorknob to go out to him, but was stopped.

“Mordecai.” It was Benson, probably going to ask him why he was up at 6 in the morning. He didn’t.

“Can I see you in my office?” With a sip of his coffee, the park manager gestured for Mordecai to follow him. Mordecai suddenly panicked, quickly coming up with all the things he’s done and all the possible ways Benson could fire him for any of those reasons. As he sat down in the chair opposite of his boss’s desk, he braced himself for pissed off screaming and yelling that never came. Benson almost looked distressed.

“Mordecai… I wanted to talk to you because you didn’t finish any of the work I assigned you yesterday.” The employee originally assumed losing his job would involve clenched fists and a face red from anger. Instead, Benson just wrapped his fingers around his steaming mug, letting out a heavy sigh.

“I honestly wanted to find you and strangle you on the spot, but I didn’t see you two anywhere.” Mordecai stayed silent, unsure of where Benson was going with his story. And a little panicky.

“Eventually, I went up to your room and, well... “ Mordecai was the one with the red face this time. The sudden urge to bang his head repeatedly on the edge of the desk was almost too much. Benson pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

“Believe me when I say that I’ve platonically shared a bed with close guy friends before,” he flicked his eyes up at him. “But the way Rigby was holding on to you for dear life convinced me otherwise.” With that, Mordecai stood up, nearly knocking the chair over in the process.

“Really, Benson? _That’s _why you’re firing me?” He planted his hands on the desk.__

__“Are you actually-”_ _

__“Mordecai calm down. I never said I was firing you.” The taller man ceased his fit of rage, listening to his own rapid breaths for a moment. He slowly sat back down, still fuming yet slightly confused._ _

__“Your personal life is none of my business, but I brought it up because I needed to tell you that I’m letting you off the hook this time.” Silence was his response._ _

__“It was already obvious that you and Rigby were close, but I’m well aware of how he’s doing with his health, and how it’s pretty hard on you too. I’ll have Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost finish the work. Just don’t expect this to become a regular thing!” He warned, pointing a finger at him. Mordecai rubbed the back of his neck._ _

__“No Benson, it’s fine I’ll finish the work. I was gonna ask you for more anyway.” His boss’s face told him that he was more surprised by _this _than finding out he was romantically involved with Rigby.___ _

____“Rigby’s therapist wants to put him on new medication, and I know he won’t have enough money for it. Uh, no offense.” He dropped his hand to his lap._ _ _ _

____“I’ll do whatever jobs you need me to do, whenever you need them done. I could even start right now if you wanted me to!” Another sip of coffee was followed by a head shake._ _ _ _

____“I’m not gonna give more work to someone who doesn’t do what’s asked of them in the first place. Sorry, Mordecai. Just do what you already need to.”_ _ _ _

____“But-” His protest fell as he realized Benson’s decision was final. He was his boss, so ultimately what he says, goes._ _ _ _

____“Fine.” He stood up, careful this time, and headed out. Mordecai knew Benson was right, but he knew he could’ve done more if he needed to. He would’ve done more, for Rigby. He rounded the corner and ended up back in his bedroom. Assuming his best friend was still outside, he opened his drawer and fished for something buried underneath his sea of underwear. He felt the cool glass and picked up the jar labeled “Art School.” It was about halfway full, crinkled greens and silver coins decorated the inside like it was something to show off. It was really just a representation of how Mordecai would rather keep his money out of a bank. He unscrewed the lid and took out a stack of dollars, then hid it within the piles again._ _ _ _

____On his way downstairs, he heard rummaging in the kitchen, and went to go see whom it was. He stepped into the doorway, tucking the money in his back pocket as he saw Rigby bending over to look at the contents of the refrigerator. Rigby sensed someone was near and looked up, relaxing after seeing it was Mordecai._ _ _ _

____“Hey man,” he said, closing the fridge door. “Couldn’t sleep either?” The taller shook his head, leaning against the door frame._ _ _ _

____“How long have you been up?”_ _ _ _

____“Not that long. I’m still kind of tired, but I can’t fall back asleep, so I just got up. You?”_ _ _ _

____“Same here. I’m hungry as fuck, though. We should go somewhere.” That seemed to lighten Rigby’s mood a bit. He nodded._ _ _ _

____“Yeah sure, man. The coffee here’s shit anyways.” Mordecai couldn’t suppress the smile that grew on his lips. He pushed himself off the wall, walking over to him to pull him in for a tight hug. Rigby rested his head on Mordecai’s chest, closing his eyes as they stood there in each other’s embrace._ _ _ _

____“Breakfast it is, then,” the taller said, planting a gentle kiss on Rigby’s head. Mordecai was just glad he was actually speaking, and he seemed healed after all that rest. Holding him like this was what Mordecai really needed, and he knew that neither of them were intending on letting go any time soon. Softly swaying back and forth, Mordecai understood Benson’s aforementioned euphemism: “holding on for dear life.” He didn’t mind, though. He never did._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to post chapters every two days, which should be a good amount of time!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

Some days were better than others, and today was one of Rigby’s bad days. The two had gone out to breakfast that morning, but Mordecai could barely get Rigby to talk. He mostly just sat there, tonguing his labret piercing as he pushed his fork through his eggs. The taller had managed to get an “okay” after telling him that Benson now knew about them, and he considered that to be a small victory. But they ended up sitting in silence, Mordecai rubbing circles in the back of Rigby’s hand as he held it underneath the table.

“Mordecai? You’re uh, raking the grass.” Mordecai snapped out of his thoughts. Thomas was right, he wasn’t removing any of the leaves.

“Are you alright? You seem kinda out of it,” the intern asked.

“Yeah, sorry dude. Just thinking.”

“About Rigby?” Mordecai nodded, leaning on his rake. 

“Yeah, about Rigby.” The intern didn’t go back to working; he stood there for a moment, like he wanted to say more. It was clear he wasn’t entirely comfortable with talking to his fellow employee about it, but curiosity would get the best of him. At this point, Mordecai didn’t really mind.

“So is he…?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” he confirmed. Thomas scratched the back of his neck, giving him a crooked smile. 

“Cool, man.” Mordecai helped finish with the leaves and was finally done with all of his work for the day. It felt strangely satisfying to actually complete everything he had to do, and now he was free for the rest of the night. With a wave to Thomas who had just answered a call, he was off to town. 

The drive to the pharmacy was a bit long, but he found a decent parking spot to make up for it. As he handed over the prescription, the woman behind the counter gave him a sad smile that tried to be comforting. These new anti-depressants must be pretty hardcore stuff, he assumed. That hurt him a little. He was about to tell her that they weren’t for him, but that would’ve only made her pity him more, so he didn’t. Rigby’s health wasn’t anyone’s business but his own. And Mordecai’s, as he’s claimed the boyfriend position. Everything was his business too.

What hit him the hardest was that there were no warning signs. Rigby was, or at least it seemed like he was, perfectly fine and happy. He always was. Obnoxious, even. But suddenly, this shadow envelopes itself around him and suffocates him, and seeing him struggle to get out of bed some days just crushes Mordecai completely. He wished he knew what was causing this.

Upon arriving home, he saw Rigby sitting outside again. He didn’t have his music this time, but he rested his head on his hand as he looked lost, thinking. Mordecai approaching him woke him up.

“Hey dude.” Rigby silently acknowledged him. 

“I wanted to get you this, so… yeah.” When Mordecai handed him the bag, Rigby opened it, gave him a look.

“Mordecai… what the hell?” That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. He stood up off the step, crossing his arms.

“I told you I could get it on my own.” 

“I know dude, but I-” He didn’t finish.

“I _told _you I could do it. Why didn’t you listen to me?”__

__“Why are you so upset? I literally got your meds for you.” Mordecai could see every emotion he was trying to control on his face._ _

__“That’s not the point- I don’t need you to do everything for me, Mordecai!”_ _

__“I was just trying to help!” Rigby threw the bag back at him._ _

__“That’s all you ever do! Help, help, help, like I’m a fucking charity or something!”_ _

__“So you don’t want me to help you?”_ _

__“No! I’m already a burden to you and everyone else in this damn park- I don’t need reminders!” Mordecai’s anger fell as he reached out an arm to him, his heart breaking in two._ _

__“Oh baby come on, don’t talk like that…” Rigby turned his back to him._ _

__“I’m just a waste of space.” With those final soft words, he went inside the house and slammed the door shut. Mordecai barely felt like he’d been doing anything, but apparently just being around was too much. Rigby wanted alone time, but Mordecai knew he didn’t actually want to be left by himself. He knew him too well for that. But he was upset now too, and couldn’t go in after him; he needed to cool down._ _

__Without another thought, Mordecai jumped back in the car, pulling out his box of Marlboros. He suddenly couldn’t care less whether the interior smelled like ash and regret. Margaret was the only one in the coffee shop when he arrived, save for a college girl in the corner with her nose buried in a book and Eileen wiping down tables. The red-haired girl smiled at him as he entered, walking over to him._ _

__“Hey, you’re not supposed to smoke in here!” She said, poking his arm with her finger. Mordecai gave her a little laugh through his nose, taking out the cigarette to hold it between his index and middle fingers._ _

__“And who’s gonna stop me?” He asked, teasing. She rolled her eyes as her face went pink and held out the near-empty coffee pot. Mordecai took another drag before dropping it in._ _

__“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong or what?”_ _

__“What makes you think there’s something wrong?”_ _

__“You came in here without Rigby, plus you’re smoking.” She lowered her eyes._ _

__“You only smoke when something’s bothering you.” That was something blatantly obvious. He wasn’t addicted to the nicotine nor was he a “social smoker;” it just helped him sometimes. Although everyone and their mother were aware of Mordecai’s intoxication schedule, Rigby was the one who hated it the most. Mordecai leaned back on the table, arms crossed._ _

__“It’s just… Rigby.” Margaret didn’t say anything, like she already knew where he was going._ _

__“He got super pissed at me today because, apparently, I don’t give him any space. He says I try to do too much, when to me it feels like I’m barely even there. I’m trying, Margaret I really am.” He paused._ _

__“You know and I haven’t had sex in like, forever.” He put his hands on his face, looking at her._ _

__“I don’t wanna say anything because it’s not _about _me. But, I have needs too and wow I sound like such an asshole for saying that.” The barista pressed her lips together.___ _

____“No, you don’t Mordecai. You’re in a tough position right now, so don’t think you can’t have feelings too, you know?” The two talked for a little while. Rather, Mordecai vented his feelings while Margaret responded every now and then with some general and impersonal advice. It’s not like she wasn’t the best listener._ _ _ _

____He hugged her before he left. It was long and firm, but needed and comforting. He saw the sadness in her eyes, and knew it wasn’t sympathy. In the beginning, their relationship consisted of a lot of flirting and sexual tension, but Mordecai’s feelings for her gradually faded into those of sisterly love. He wasn’t too sure on where she was mentally, but he assumed there wasn’t much change on her part._ _ _ _

____Mordecai and Rigby had been a package deal since the beginning. They stuck together through childhood to awkward teenage years to mature adulthood. Mordecai’s feelings for Rigby surfaced when the two were in high school together, but it wasn’t until recently that he had acted on them. It was always there, but the crush was repressed and ignored, eventually growing to be too strong to even call it a “crush” anymore. It was that little voice in the back of Mordecai’s head that would remind him that Rigby would mean something so much more to him than just his best friend. Questioning of sexuality mixed with puberty constantly making you horny was not ideal for him._ _ _ _

____Mordecai wouldn’t consider himself gay. He wouldn’t consider himself bisexual, either. He didn’t know what he was, nor did he feel the need to label himself. What he did know, was he loved his best friend without hesitation or questioning. His infatuation with Margaret had been real, however it was brief. Brief, and partially a show. That was before he had finally gotten the balls to tell Rigby how he really felt. He figured there must be some sort of God or higher being when his feelings were mutual and returned, and he almost regretted getting that half-ironic tattoo of Jesus making the devil horns with his hand. Almost._ _ _ _

____This past summer had been the most memorable to him because it was the first time he and Rigby spent time together as a couple, not bros. They did all the same stuff they would’ve done anyway, except there was a lot more kissing and hand holding and physical intimacy. Afternoons spent playing video games on the couch became discreet makeout sessions that made them forget who was even winning. Mordecai still smiled at those memories, due to his lover’s absence as of late. The depression weighed down on Rigby so heavily that he did not have the energy or motivation to do quite literally anything. He already visited a therapist regularly during their time at the park, but it hadn’t gotten like this until his old one moved away. This troubled Mordecai deeply._ _ _ _

____Rigby was sitting on the couch when he got back home, feet on the cushions. He noticed Mordecai cautiously enter the living room, and gave him an apologetic look. The taller could tell he wanted him. Rigby put his mug down on the coffee table as Mordecai sat down in front of him, his thighs underneath Rigby’s. Instinctively, their hands met and held each other, lightly touching._ _ _ _

____Rigby looked down at them, then up at Mordecai. His brown eyes were longing, but his mouth didn’t convey any of it. His earlier outburst replayed a thousand times in his mind, yet he wouldn’t say. He was upset with him, but couldn’t stay that way. Mordecai brought Rigby’s fingers up to gently brush them with his lips._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry about earlier… I shouldn’t be so... “ he searched for the correct word._ _ _ _

____“Attached?” Rigby suggested. Mordecai kissed his knuckles._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, attached.” Rigby sighed._ _ _ _

____“It’s alright, my blue jay. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have freaked out on you.” Mordecai’s heart sprouted wings. Rigby rarely used that term of endearment, which amped up the elicited sentimental feelings for them both. It’s been one of those days._ _ _ _

____The next moments that followed were silent, but healing. They sat together in a relaxed aura that picked up the pieces to their breaking communication. They needed this. Mordecai’s hand would occasionally caress Rigby’s face, sometimes trailing down to his collarbone to feel the golden flesh beneath his fingertips. Rigby’s eyes would widen, then relax as he let out noticeable breaths of not-quite-there sexual gratification. He returned this by moving closer to him, until he was sitting in between his legs and their bodies were only inches away._ _ _ _

____Mordecai held Rigby’s face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears that managed to escape and run down his cheeks. Rigby repeatedly apologized to Mordecai nonverbally, wishing he could do more than cry for him. Those watery brown eyes looked directly into Mordecai’s crystal blue ones, and were then closed at the feeling of the other’s soft lips on his own._ _ _ _

____Mordecai could feel his desperation as he slid his tongue into his mouth. Rigby kissed him back with such intense feelings of need and a yearning to fill his emptiness; he was slowly putting himself back together, with the taller as his glue. They moved in tune with each other, lips fitting together to create a euphoric sensation as Mordecai tasted the coffee from the wetness of his mouth._ _ _ _

____They sat intertwined together, breathing each other in and expressing their affectionate sorrow in deep, fluid movements. Mordecai couldn’t remember the last time he and Rigby had kissed like this, but his stress and doubt were relenting as Rigby’s arms wrapped around his torso. They were completely engulfed in their own erotic utopia, fiery and hot and sensually pleasing._ _ _ _

____As Mordecai pulled away, Rigby followed after him. He bit the smaller’s bottom lip, careful to avoid the metal. It was only a little nip to further stimulate Rigby’s senses. This caused the both of them to laugh, faces close as they breathed hard. Mordecai closed the gap once more before releasing him completely._ _ _ _

____“I missed you, baby,” he said softly. Rigby smiled a genuine smile at him, instinctively rubbing his back._ _ _ _

____“I missed you too. I missed _us _.” There was true contrite in his voice, and it looked like there was another tear about to break. But it wasn’t out of pain this time.___ _ _ _

______Suddenly, a sweet memory ran across his mind. He stroked Rigby’s brown hair._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Do you remember back in July, when we skipped work to spend the day at the beach?” He could see the image forming in Rigby’s mind, and his face had gone almost undetectably red. The smaller couldn’t mask the embarrassed grin that stretched across his lips._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I swear I’m still finding fucking sand in my asshole,” he joked. Partially. Mordecai gently moved his hand down Rigby’s neck all the way to his waist. He touched his skin underneath his shirt, caressing him and trailing his palms to the small of his back. Rigby let out a sigh, tugging slightly at Mordecai’s hoodie to indicate his pleasure from the skin-on-skin contact. With that as a green light, Mordecai slid his hands underneath Rigby’s jeans to grope his ass._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Rigby- let’s do it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Without a moment of hesitation, Rigby removed himself from Mordecai’s hold, standing up from the couch. He bit his lip, taking Mordecai’s hand firmly in his. The taller was lead upstairs to their room, door slammed shut and locked. Definitely worth the wait._ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves!
> 
> Just a little disclaimer, there is smut in this chapter. Hope you enjoy! xoxo

Day 4. 4:51 a.m.

The scent of earth and cheap cologne was heightened by the heat and flesh smell that mixed with the emitted pheromones in the air. Mordecai’s hand was gripping the headboard, stabilizing him yet threatening to give with the roughness of his movements. But he wasn’t focused on potentially breaking the furniture. His mind was solely concentrated on the beads of sweat trickling down Rigby’s arching back as he breathily called out Mordecai’s name in between curses and moans.

He was panting himself, because being inside Rigby felt so _good _, and seeing his best friend react to him in such a way was pushing him over the edge. Hearing his own name in the other’s mouth granted him some extra stamina, and he made sure not to waste it. He started to steady his thrusts, signaling to Rigby he was close. In turn, Rigby flipped over on his back, curling his fingers into the sheets. Mordecai let go of the headboard to get closer to him, looking intently into his eyes as he rocked up into his body.__

__“Nnh… _fuck _, Mordecai,” he choked out, digging his nails into Mordecai’s upper arm. The taller had found his sweet spot once again, making sure to hit it every time. Rigby tried his hardest, but could never be quiet in the bedroom. His sounds always reassured Mordecai in the most pleasing way, and he loved making him feel limitless. Even the fear of being caught would be forgotten as the two indulged in each other.___ _

____Their lasting moments of physical love were intense and exhausting. Rigby couldn’t hold out much longer, as the feeling of Mordecai deep inside him caused him to lose himself. He was tired, and Mordecai was tired, but the ecstasy that enveloped them was incessant and bonded their hearts as one. Rigby’s orgasm left him breathless and in a state of fleeting exhilaration; Mordecai came soon after him with a final breath that told Rigby his was a similar experience._ _ _ _

____There was a minute of silence between them, the only sound being raindrops softly hitting the window and panting that was gradually slowing. Mordecai pulled out of him, then kissed him gently. Rigby smiled up at him._ _ _ _

____“You're so gay,” he said affectionately, pushing a strand of hair out of Mordecai’s face. A shared laugh._ _ _ _

____“You're gayer.” They laid there together, the taller looking at him as this moment was purely happiness and warmth. He looked at him like he was a piece of artwork, so fragile and so beautiful. The slightest touch could either better him or bruise him, and Mordecai treated Rigby like he was one of his paintings. He always took care of him and loved layer after layer of the various colors that made him who he was._ _ _ _

____Mordecai collapsed on his side, barely having the strength to keep his eyes open. Rigby turned over, looking at him once more before falling asleep. Mordecai stayed awake for a little while longer, watching his best friend rest. It had been a few days, and his mentality seemed to be much improved from before. He didn’t know whether or not it was the high dosage of the pills that was making him horny all the time, because it just wasn’t like Rigby to crave sex this much. They’d done it twice a day a couple times in the past, but it was multiple times a day every day as of late. Mordecai didn’t know how much drive he had left in him, but he figured this was ten times better than having to rely on masturbating to get off rather than his own boyfriend. Plus, he was starting to get his best friend back, and that’s all he really wanted._ _ _ _

____He’d slept for a few hours until he couldn’t anymore. Rigby was still knocked out, so Mordecai decided to let him be. He took a quick shower to remove the remaining sweat and stickiness and threw on a tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants. His keys somehow ended up underneath a pile of laundry, but he grabbed them without question._ _ _ _

____The coffee shop was a bit busier in the morning, but the rush usually didn’t come until afternoon. Although there was a good amount of customers sitting at the tables and standing in line to order their caffeine to-go. Approaching the line, Mordecai saw a familiar red hoodie that he’d recognize anywhere._ _ _ _

____“Hey Chad,” he greeted, grabbing the brunet’s attention. Chad turned around._ _ _ _

____“Hey Mordecai,” he said with a friendly smile._ _ _ _

____“Where’s Jeremy?”_ _ _ _

____“Bathroom. Where’s Rigby?”_ _ _ _

____“Still sleeping.” Chad nodded, walking up to the counter as the person ahead of him left. After ordering, he faced Mordecai again, assumably to say something, this time a black and blue mark was in full view on his cheek. Mordecai knew it wasn’t his place to ask, but something about it struck a wrong chord with him._ _ _ _

____“Are you alright, dude? You uh...” he trailed off. Chad spoke up._ _ _ _

____“Oh, yeah, no worries Mordecai. I was being a dumbass and fell a couple days ago.” He could tell his answer wasn’t sincere, but didn’t ask any more questions. The sight of him wearing Jeremy’s hoodie and the bruise was sending him very mixed signals. He was about to change the subject to how ridiculous the seasonal spices were, when Jeremy walked up to them._ _ _ _

____“Mordecai,” he acknowledged him, pushing up his large-framed glasses._ _ _ _

____“Hey Jeremy,” Mordecai replied. There was a hint of possessiveness in the other’s eyes._ _ _ _

____“You smell like sex.” Mordecai crossed his arms._ _ _ _

____“So do you.” Mordecai and Jeremy didn’t hate each other. The two were trying their absolute best _not _to hate each other. Mordecai admittedly liked Chad a lot better than his counterpart, but Chad and Jeremy were a package deal. Everyone liked Chad, but he tended to blend in with the background. People only knew him because he was dating an infamous asshole. Said asshole was handed a coffee, and was snapped out of his bitterness.___ _ _ _

______“Well, keep in touch.” He walked away with Chad, and Mordecai was left standing there, confused as to what just went down. He tried so hard to be friends with Jeremy, but he really made it difficult. After ordering coffees for himself and Rigby, Mordecai looked back at the two. Jeremy looked down at Chad as he was talking to him. They were too far away to be heard, but whatever he’d said made the taller reply with a sheepish grin. Jeremy interlaced his fingers with Chad’s, holding his hand as they finally left. So many mixed signals._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rigby was just waking up as Mordecai snuck back into the room. He looked so serene as he sat up against the headboard; his hair was a mess and he still wasn’t fully awake. He hadn’t noticed him coming in the room until he was reaching for one of Mordecai’s Fist Pump t-shirts on the edge of the bed. Upon seeing the coffee cup in his hand, he blushed and pulled the shirt down over the tribal tattoos on his chest and upper arms._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Bringing me coffee? Look who’s the gay one now,” he teased. Mordecai sat down next to him, handing him the cup._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, yeah,” he said, leaning in for a kiss. Rigby still tasted like sex and cinnamon._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who was the one calling out my name again? ‘Ooh _fuck _Mordecai!’” Mordecai’s affectionate mockery made Rigby almost spit out his drink.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Stop talking!” he exclaimed, punching Mordecai in the shoulder. The taller laughed. Rigby had told him before how he’d always known he liked guys rather than girls, but it was still a bit of a weird topic. The both of them had no problem with the way they were, they just feared ridicule from ignorant people. And after being tight for so long, this inside joke was what kept their initial bond from fading._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rigby took Mordecai’s arm and wrapped it around himself, resting his head on his chest. They knew they loved each other. After being together for so long, dating or not, verbally expressing it wasn’t necessary. Their relationship was a perfect balance of deep emotional connection and doing flat out guy stuff. Because what says “I love you” more than sex and video games?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was a knock on their bedroom door, but they didn’t move from sitting in their spot. It could only be Benson or Skips, since everyone else pretty much barged in whenever they needed something. A tall, white-haired man popped in after a “come in,” and wasn’t surprised by the man love before him. He treated Mordecai and Rigby the same as he did before they came out to him, and that was just one of the reasons Skips was the heart and soul of the park, the one that made it feel like one big family. He leaned against the door frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Benson’s on jury duty for the day, and he left me in charge of the park. I’m really gonna need your guys’s help while he’s gone.” The two nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hm hm hm. Leave it to us, Skips.” He smiled at Mordecai’s reply, silently thanking them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You can start with taking out the trash at 10.” He left them, closing the door behind him. As soon as he did, Rigby sat up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh yeah, Mordecai I wanted to pay you back for the other day,” he began. The taller shook his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No dude it’s fine. I wanted to do it.” Rigby pressed his lips together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We didn’t get paid until recently though. Where’d you get the money?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I already had some saved away,” he answered, nodding towards the dresser opposite of the bed. Rigby’s eyes widened in realization._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You used the money you were saving to go back to art school?” A nod, and a sunken heart in return._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“But… you’ve been saving up for months, man. I could’ve gotten it myself…” his voice was soft and it seemed like Rigby was genuinely hurt, like he felt guilty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re more important to me than some college.” Mordecai kissed the top of his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t worry about it, I can go back whenever. That’s what student loans are for, dude!” Rigby smiled in defeat, taking another swig of his coffee. The pair decided to get up for the day before Skips had to come back in and remind them; they wanted to spare him the mental scarring of seeing Rigby’s bruised and naked lower half. He’d only been able to wear sweatpants, due to real pants requiring too much effort to try and put on. It was actually endearing to see him wince in pain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They headed out to get started on their daily tasks. While taking the bag from the trash can, Mordecai looked at Rigby. He could tell today was going to be a good one, and he didn’t mind taking out trash or cleaning the bathrooms if it meant he could see Rigby this content everyday. He felt compelled to say something gushy and romantic at that moment, but that would’ve been a really strange time to do so, considering he was holding a garbage bag in his hands. It would’ve probably been a bit overkill as well, but that boy just did things to him that no one else could._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter is being put up late because I just got back from vacation. The internet connection/cell service was terrible down there!! So maybe I'll post two chapters today to make up for it.
> 
> Thank you for reading! xoxo

Pill bottle after pill bottle was opened, relieved of one capsule, and placed back on the shelf. Antidepressants, medication to take with the antidepressants, magnesium for headaches, and some other random tablets he was forced to swallow for his own health. While he was trying not to suffocate in the sea of expensive pills deemed “good for him,” Mordecai had lit his second cigarette for the day. That was one of the reasons it pissed Rigby off so much. He needed all the help he could get in saving himself, while the other was destroying his body for the hell of it.

Unbeknownst to him, the sight of Rigby downing all those pills hit Mordecai hard. He was fully aware of what his best friend needed, as well as he was aware that he wasn’t doing anything to help himself. It calmed him, but that was about it. He knew the smoke was rotting his insides and shortening his life. He knew he should be trying to quit again. He tries so hard to be strong for Rigby, but he can’t even have enough self-control to not reach for his pack of smokes whenever something upset him. It was this habit he’d fallen into; it was the only way he knew how to deal with things now. Watching Rigby suffer like this was the reason he was stressed out and worried to no end. But he would never, ever tell him that.

“I fucking hate it when you smoke.”

It was blunt and brutally honest, but it wasn’t angry. It was tired. Rigby was so tired. Everything was hard to deal with and seeing Mordecai with the white stick of disease balanced between his lips made it all worse. And he made sure Mordecai knew that. He could get over the taste of tobacco when they kissed and he could get over the ashy smell that lightly clung to his clothes, but seeing it directly was disheartening. 

Maybe it was that Rigby barely cared about his own being. It was selfless, it was stupid, but he did just enough to keep on living. Bare fucking minimum. It was hypocritical to give Mordecai shit for smoking when Rigby didn’t feel like feeding himself some days. The only thing Rigby really cared about was Mordecai.

He discarded of the cigarette as soon as Rigby had seen him standing out back behind the house. The taller couldn't handle watching Rigby take all of his pills for the day, and ended up retreating to his addictive therapy. Rigby stood in front of him with his arms crossed, looking down. He looked like he was about to cry, but Mordecai knew he wouldn't. Mordecai knew he was too numb. He hated doing this to his best friend, but he was too weak and fell back on it every time. 

Mordecai pushed himself off the wall, closing in on Rigby. He placed his hand on the back of the other’s head, and Rigby uncrossed his arms to grab the drawstring of his hoodie, fingering it absentmindedly. 

“I know, baby. I'm sorry.” The apology was sincere, but Rigby knew he wasn't going to quit any time soon. It was the truth and Rigby knew that too. Mordecai leaned down to kiss him, and for a few seconds everything was right in the world. Rigby kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, after Mordecai pulled away. They were then opened and met crystal blue. No other words were exchanged, just some sighs and a silent agreement of “we’re hopeless.”

The work day had been slow so far, as everyone was doing something but nothing was really getting done. Thomas was tending to the garden, Skips was washing the park truck, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost were just coming back from a trip to the store, and Rigby was supposed to be cleaning the fountain. The park was strangely quiet; even Benson was too preoccupied with paperwork to yell at Rigby to get to work. These were all last minute tasks to do before winter finally rolled around and shoveling snow became top priority.

Mordecai had finally finished cleaning out the wet leaves from the gutters, stepping down from the ladder and wiping his hands on his jeans. It was so annoying that Muscle Man and Fives ran errands while Mordecai got stuck with the dirty work. It seemed like he was always the one getting the short end of the stick when it came to jobs; after Thomas had been there for a while, he'd lost his “fresh meat” effect and it wasn't amusing to make the intern suffer anymore. In turn, Mordecai was yet again assigned the shitty manual labor. Nothing would be better than a smoke break right about now, but Rigby ran across his mind for a second, so he dismissed the thought.

The warm water from the kitchen faucet ran soothingly on his hands, cleansing them of the dirt and giving him an overall feeling of calming relief. Mordecai noticed someone else coming in the room, but didn't look up from the soap suds in the sink. The heavy footsteps and grumbling voice that never stopped rambling gave him an idea of who it was. He held in an eye roll as he shut the water off and grabbed a towel.

“Whoa, nice hickey, bro.” The slam of the refrigerator door and Muscle Man’s loud comment made Mordecai instinctively clasp a hand over his throat. The tall employee turned to face him, hand unmoved. 

“Uh-”

“Where’d you get that? Margaret?” Muscle Man looked at Fives with a shit-eating grin.The shorter man glanced at Mordecai, then averted his eyes to the floor. 

“No, that’s not it.” His mocking tone had Mordecai clenching the towel in his fist. Muscle Man folded his hands, placing them beside his head as he batted his eyelashes femininely.

“Ooh Rigby! I love it when you put it in my butt!” His high-pitched ridiculing was then replaced with obnoxious laughter that rang throughout the house. Mordecai’s irritation was only evident in the form of a twitch of his eye, and it took every bit of self-control he had not to express it further. He was inches away from punching Muscle Man in the face.

“Ha. Funny,” he said, but it most likely went unheard. The other employee was too busy making suggestive gestures at him to register if he’d had any sort of retort. Mordecai left the kitchen with the intense urge to bang his head against the wall.

As he was walking away to go find something constructive to put his energy into, his phone vibrated in his back pocket. It was a text from those four teenagers Mordecai and Rigby had befriended a little while ago. They were at the park when they’d all met for the first time. The kids had just moved to the area and were lost, trying to locate their mom. Mordecai jokingly called them “a bunch of baby ducks,” as an analogy to baby ducks being separated from their mother. The name just stuck, and they turned out to be pretty cool guys. He smiled down at his phone. It’d been a long time since they saw them, so he was excited to go and hang out. He found Rigby out front.

“Hey man, did you get the group text?” he asked, approaching him. Rigby nodded up at him.

“Yeah, but I dunno how I feel about it.”

“Come on Rigby, we haven’t seen them in forever. We should go.” He smiled slightly, gently encouraging. The smaller returned it.

“Alright, I guess I can bribe Thomas to clean the fountain for me.”

“You weren’t even gonna clean it anyways.”

“I so was.”

“Yeah, sure,” Mordecai said, unbelieving. He figured it would be good for Rigby to get out of the house and go do something for once. All he ever did was eat, sleep, and work, and 9 times out of 10 he didn’t actually do any work. So this was a step in the right direction. Mordecai held his phone up to his ear, the tiniest bit proud of reattaining the “good boyfriend” title. A trophy or medal wasn’t necessary; seeing Rigby smile was more than rewarding.


	6. Chapter 6

Of all the places he could be on a Thursday afternoon, it was hard to believe it was where he currently sat.

Mordecai leaned back in his chair, leg crossed nonchalantly and masculinely over the other as he faced Jeremy on the opposite side of the table. For the first few minutes, no words were spoken. The two exchanged silent looks of tension. Jeremy’s arms were folded against his chest and his legs were spread far apart as he sat, intimidating. Their positions were reading as a competition, or like they were forced into a double date by their submissive boyfriends who were really talented at getting their way. But Mordecai had actually asked Jeremy to meet him at the coffee shop. Without Chad.

Shocking, really. 

Mordecai tended not to delve too far into anyone else’s business, but there was something that had been bothering him lately, that he just couldn’t stand to watch happen any longer. Of course, he was acting on assumption, but it wasn’t like he didn’t have a legitimate reason not to intervene. There was quite a bit of evidence to back him up, and certain things just don’t fly.

“So is there a reason you made me come here?” Jeremy pushed his glasses up. “Or did you just want to see my pretty face that badly?” If Mordecai didn’t have a tender heart of gold underneath his ultra _guy _exterior, he would’ve left then and there. But he was too caring to let Jeremy’s asshat-ery turn him away. Mordecai straightened his posture.__

__“Look dude, I know it’s weird, but we have to talk.” His genuine attempt to make peace with the other man was only shot down with an eyeroll._ _

__“And what could be so incredibly interesting and important to waste my afternoon _and _my intelligence on?”___ _

_____Be the bigger person. Be the bigger person. Be the bigger person. ____ _ _ _

______“Can you tune down your gigantic fucking ego for one second and be a decent human being?”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Nailed it. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________“Alright, I'm out.” Jeremy stood up to leave, composure remaining and Mordecai feeling immature for letting that slip. He groaned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Wait, Jeremy, come back. It's seriously important.” The other stopped, turning back around at Mordecai’s apologetic tone. He placed his hand on the back of his chair, hesitant to sit down again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It's… about Chad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This piqued his interest. Rather, it was the spark in a metaphorical fire burning deep within him. There was that hint of possessiveness in his eyes that Mordecai recognized, and his grip on the chair visibly tightened. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation over coffee, but it's not like he'd expected it that way in the first place._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Jeremy didn’t sit back down. “What _about _Chad?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Mordecai ran a hand through his hair. He had to choose his words carefully here. Jeremy was a bit of a sensitive guy; saying even something slightly risky would make him fly off the handle. And this was a touchy subject. Mordecai knew what he was getting himself into, but he couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. When you know something’s going on and you don’t do anything about it, it becomes your fault._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I… when I ran into you guys at the coffee shop a week ago, I noticed… something.” Jeremy’s silent stare never tore away from him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“He told me he got that bruise on his face because he fell, but I’m not that gullible.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What exactly are you getting at?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Just listen. I saw him again at the store a couple days ago. I reached my hand out to him to say hi, and he flinched. Like he thought I was gonna slap him or something.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Mordecai, I don’t hit my boyfriend.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________That caught the park employee off guard. He still had one more incident to tell him about, but he caught on pretty quick. That was evidence enough that Jeremy knew exactly what Mordecai wanted to talk about, and that Mordecai’s assumptions were most likely true. He felt so sorry for Chad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Come on, man.” His voice softened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Chad doesn’t deserve-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“ _Fuck off _Mordecai. Who the hell do you think you are, bringing me here so you can tell me how to handle my own relationship?” A couple people had turned their heads to look at the two, and Mordecai could feel his face heating up. They were officially making a scene.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Jeremy-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You don’t know Chad, you don’t know _us _. Kindly back the fuck up and stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” He stormed out of the coffee shop. Only then did Mordecai realize that the entire room had gone silent to listen to their quarreling. He looked around, making eye contact with a few people before rubbing the back of his neck and letting out an awkward laugh.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He caught up with Jeremy outside, who was standing at the side of the building, cigarette dangling between his lips as he dug around in his pockets. He was frustrated, annoyed, and maybe a little pissed off. Mordecai could tell, since the sight before him was all too familiar. Jeremy looked up at him upon noticing the lighter that was offered to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Thanks,” he said, letting Mordecai light the cigarette for him. The park employee nodded in acknowledgement, pulling one out for himself and following suit. The two stood a little bit apart, letting the smoke keep them warm during the height of the chilly day. Nothing was said for a moment, the only sounds being cars passing by and the slow singe of tobacco with each inhalation. Jeremy looked out at the road, one arm crossed over his chest as the other raised his hand to his mouth. Mordecai blew out a gray cloud of smoke mixed with the cold atmosphere._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I didn’t know you smoked.” Jeremy shrugged._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I don’t. Only when I need to relax.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Mordecai gave him a once-over, looking at him for a second before he noticed. He didn’t look like a smoker; Mordecai could tell this was a rare sight. At least for someone who didn’t hang around Jeremy a lot. The guy was clean, obviously financially stable to say the least. His Dr Martens were clearly new, his designer skinny jeans ripped on purpose in all the right places, and his glasses were even name brand Ray-Bans, never knock-offs. The boots gave him an extra inch or two on Mordecai, which was infuriating, and spiking his white hair in the front helped as well. Everything was expensive and probably new, except for the red hoodie he wore way too often. It was old and worn out from one too many washes, and the band logo displayed on the back was just barely there. The only time he’d seen him without it was when Chad was wearing it instead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You’ve got to control your anger, man.” Mordecai was hesitant to say this, but it was needed. Jeremy took another drag, sullen as he directed his gaze to the gravel beneath them. And for an instant, Mordecai could see it. He could see the suppressed pain that weighed down too heavily on him. He could see the good inside of him that tried to escape, but was always blocked by the black, metal bars that caged it, chained it down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He’d realized he was right. Mordecai _didn’t _know Jeremy, or Chad, or their relationship as a whole. He was looking in from the outside, never truly digging past that first layer.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Jeremy,” he said, slowly. “Do you hit Chad?” His voice was gentler this time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________At first there was no response. Just a heavy sigh and a tapping of ash off the cigarette. Mordecai didn't know if that was really a question to go outright and just ask, bluntly, but he did either way. Inappropriate word-choice or not, it was on the table and Mordecai had to know now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Everyone always leaves me. Everything changes and I hate it. Chad is the one thing that's been consistent since college.” He takes a moment to recollect himself, blink away the tears Mordecai didn't notice. “I love him. Did you know that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________No answer, silent encouragement._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I'm in love with him and I don't tell him. I don't know what's going to change if I do and the possibilities alone fucking terrify me.” He laughs a pained, humorless laugh._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Every time he pisses me off, every time he threatens to leave…” he starts, taking another drag. “I don't know what happened until he's on the floor or crying or both.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Mordecai takes a second, senses of life reeling back in a single moment; the rustle of leaves from the wind suddenly present in his ears again. He didn't know exactly how to respond to Jeremy unloading his heavy, emotional baggage. They weren't even really friends. But Jeremy spilling this information was more so an act of desperation than of trust and friendship. The cigarette is removed from his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Why does he threaten to leave?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“...It’s complicated.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I've got like an entire pack left.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________As he reaches his hand to his back pocket, Rigby crosses his mind. He could already see that sad look he’d give him when he came home, smoke smell fresh and pungent. Hearing Jeremy talk about his best friend reminds Mordecai of his own. He lights another anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“He's so much better off without me, he deserves someone better than me. I can't even say I want the best for him because I'm a selfish fucking prick.” He tosses the cigarette butt and recrosses his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Chad knows it too. He knows he can find some mama’s boy, goody two-shoes twink the second he packs up his shit. He always says he's gonna move out, but he never follows through. I don’t know why he stays. I don’t know why he doesn’t get a guy who’d treat him right.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Maybe he’s in love with you too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Uh-huh.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“No, really. Maybe he stays because he doesn’t want anyone else. He probably thinks it’s all worth it if it means he gets to be with you in the end.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Jeremy looks at Mordecai like he’d never thought of it that way before, like it’s ridiculous to think that anyone would ever love him. He wants to tell Mordecai he’s wrong, and that Chad would never be stupid enough to do such a thing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They _did _go to MIT, after all.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________A defense is about to relieve itself from Jeremy, but it falls. He considers the other’s words for a moment, as this is the first time he’s really put any thought into it. Mordecai is patient, quiet as Jeremy works it out in his mind. He can see him struggling with it, until a few minutes pass._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“He probably thinks he deserves it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Mordecai doesn’t have to talk in order to ask why Chad would feel that way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“He probably still feels bad about a couple months ago.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“A couple months ago?” Jeremy rolls his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Don’t act stupid. I know you remember.” Mordecai is seriously at a loss. A couple months ago? He racked his brain for a past fight that Jeremy and Chad had had, but was unable to come up with one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Dude, I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jeremy’s eyes widen, then settle again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Chad and Rigby kissed a couple months ago. I don’t even know who initiated it, but Chad felt so bad about it for a while. And yeah of course I was pissed, but I’m kinda over it now, since it’s in the past. But I guess it still bothers him...” Mordecai had stopped listening at this point. Chad and Rigby kissed? It was hard to believe, he didn’t want to believe it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Kissed how?” he asked, suddenly hungry for all the details, raging with betrayal and jealousy. Jeremy smirked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“According to Chad, it was full blown making out. Tongue and everything.” Then his face fell._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“He didn’t tell me why, just that it was consensual and heavy. It’d make sense I guess.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Mordecai still had some cigarette left, but ground it into the gravel anyway. He was visibly bothered, but Jeremy didn’t take advantage of his vulnerability. He was empathetic; he’d felt the same way when he found out, though it was delivered differently. He squeezes Mordecai’s shoulder, almost affectionately._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I’d talk to Rigby about it.” His hand falls and he begins to cross the road, but stops to turn back around._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You can always rinse the surface, but the stain will remain.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Mordecai doesn’t follow him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

Mordecai stood at his dresser, towel around his neck as he dug through his underwear drawer. As he grabbed a pair, the half-empty box in the corner caught his eye. 

“Babe? We need more condoms,” he said, taking the box in his hands.

“Didn’t we just get some?” Rigby called from the bathroom.

“I know but these keep breaking. We need the non-cheap ones.”

Rigby comes out of the bathroom and leans on the doorframe, arms crossed with a smug look on his face. He’s wearing nothing but boxers and an old Fist Pump tee shirt.

“It’s because of your huge dick,” he teases. Mordecai sticks his tongue out at him.

“You like it.”

The sun was setting, dimming the light in their room and indicating evening. The two had just finished another round of impulse sex, and Mordecai was very tired. Benson notified them earlier that the water bill was too high last month, so they opted for showering together, naturally. 

“Why do we need condoms anyway? I’m clean.” Mordecai pulls on the underwear.

“Assholes are _always _gonna be gross, dude.”__

__“Fine, fine. Take your OCD and our last paycheck and go buy some Trojans or whatever.”_ _

__“You’re not coming with me?” Rigby looks genuinely taken aback at this._ _

__“No way, man!”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“‘Cause, that’s gay.”_ _

__“ _We’re _gay!”___ _

____Mordecai lets out an exasperated sigh. His boyfriend can be so unbelievable sometimes. Rigby walks over to him, head tilted._ _ _ _

____“Totally. But you’re the one who wants them so badly, so you’re gonna buy ‘em,” he says, poking Mordecai’s stomach. “Sweetie pie.”_ _ _ _

____“Uh-huh.” He kisses him, accepting defeat._ _ _ _

____It’d been a couple of days since Mordecai’s encounter with Jeremy. What he learned that day lingers in the back of his mind, but he failed to mention it to Rigby. It haunts him, comes back especially in moments of intimacy. It pisses him off to no end, but he’s the one who’s not doing anything about it. Every time he looks at Rigby, a mental image he’d created of him and Chad appears, clouding the sight of his lover. It weighs him down, makes him mentally kick himself because he’s not even strong enough to bring it up. He’s too sensitive to Rigby right now._ _ _ _

____So there he was, standing in an aisle of the nearest convenience store zoning in and out. He must've been staring at the condoms for a long time, because the cashier came over to him twice to ask if he was okay and if he needed any help. There were many different kinds to choose from, and he'd be lying if he didn't say he was a bit overwhelmed._ _ _ _

____“Lubricated, ribbed, what the… Gold Collection? Groove? Why is this so complicated?” Never has he put this much thought into contraception. He wants to slam his head on the floor, but doesn’t because he’s in a public place. At this point, he doesn’t even want to buy them anymore. He’s raging inside, and he can feel his face heating up, heart beating. He eventually walks out of the store, but doesn’t want to go home right away._ _ _ _

____His feet take him to an unfamiliar part of town. The streets are littered, the buildings old, people standing around and sitting on curbs. The gray sky only adds to the dark ambiance. His pulse quickens a bit as he gets glanced at while walking. He needs to relax, now._ _ _ _

____Mordecai feels around his pockets, but doesn’t find what he’s looking for. With a curse, he locates the nearest drug store and stops in. There’s a shelf of condoms there as well, but looking at them only shortens his temper. Nothing can take him away from his anger, even the girl behind the counter flirting with him. He takes his Marlboros and leaves, having barely even left the store before lighting up._ _ _ _

____He walks, slowly, letting the smoke fill him up. Today was a good day, but it’s funny how it went so downhill so fast. His mind is flooded with Rigby, and he can’t shake it. He figures he should go home soon, since said person will be wondering what took him so long and why he didn’t show up with what he said he was getting. But suddenly, he doesn’t think Rigby will really care anymore._ _ _ _

____He freezes, unable to move in front of an alley. Rigby’s on his knees, Jeremy’s hand in his hair. Mordecai can’t feel the wind anymore, he can’t feel the bitter weather. He doesn’t know where his cigarette is and he feels his fists clench, knuckles turning white. In a moment, Jeremy looks at him, smirking once he realizes it’s him. Then, his vision is watery and blurred._ _ _ _

____“What the hell?!” he almost screams, causing Rigby to whip his head around, moving away from Jeremy._ _ _ _

____“Mordecai! I-It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Jeremy’s zipping his jeans up, obviously getting a kick out this. Rigby stumbles as he tries to get up, fixing his own pants._ _ _ _

____Mordecai grabs Jeremy by his hoodie, eyes burning into him as he spits, “you _sick fuck _.” The blond says nothing, admittedly speechless at Mordecai’s vengeance. He shoves Jeremy away from himself, and turns to Rigby. He hesitates a minute before speaking, a single tear breaking away from his red-rimmed lid.___ _ _ _

______“Don’t come home.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______His command is like a knife to Rigby’s chest. Mordecai throws the barely used cigarette on the ground, not even bothering to put it out before storming away. His pissed off aura stays with him as he walks back to the car parked in front of the convenience store. He climbs in the driver’s seat and slams the door. With his hands gripping the steering wheel tight enough to suffocate it, he squeezes his eyes shut, and lets out a scream._ _ _ _ _ _

______There might’ve been people around to hear it, but he couldn’t care less anymore. Salty tears are streaming down his pale face, nonstop and warm and dampening his hoodie sleeves. He tugs them past his hands as he attempts to dry his cheeks, but it’s useless as the waterfall of tears is endless, dehydrating him and making his head ache. He sits in his car and cries. He cries about Rigby, about Rigby and Jeremy, about Rigby and Chad, about his own weakness. He’s loud and feels like a piece of shit. He feels used. He can’t stop his sobbing._ _ _ _ _ _

______Mordecai drives home slowly, as little tears still make their way out and he’s physically exhausted. He doesn’t even care who sees him when he pulls up to the park. He doesn’t register if anyone tried talking to him. He walks up to his room to find Rigby pacing back and forth._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai! Look I just need to explain-” he reaches his arm out to him, but Mordecai pushes past him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You don’t need to explain anything.” He opens the closet, taking down the suitcase on the top shelf and throwing it on the bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry, okay? It was a mistake, I don’t even like him. Jeremy means nothing to me, okay? Mordecai I-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“How long has this been going on?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hesitation._ _ _ _ _ _

______“A...month, or so…” Mordecai rips some clothes off of their hangers and stuffs them in the suitcase. He takes some out of a drawer in the dresser, and slaps them in too. Rigby takes clothes out, trying to stop him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Stop! It’s over now! I promise that was the last time just please don’t do this Mordecai.” The taller stops._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You really expect me to let this go? You’ve been sleeping with this guy for a month behind my back, you make out with his boyfriend, who knows how many times you’ve cheated on me since we got together?!” He puts the clothes back in the suitcase._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who told you I made out with Chad?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who do you fucking think?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai _come on _that was one time and I can explain if you just-”___ _ _ _ _ _

________“What then? What could you possibly say to make this all okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rigby takes a breath, on the verge of tears himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I… I need to be fucked until I feel something. I’m so _numb _, Mordecai. Sex is the only thing that makes me _feel _anymore.”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Mordecai slams the suitcase shut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh wow, I am so sorry things are so hard for you. I’m so sorry I obviously don’t do enough for you. I’m obviously just not good enough for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Don’t act like my depression is a joke!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I supported you! I’ve been there for you since day one! I pay for your meds, I listen to you, I do whatever you feel like doing that day, I try and help you get better and this is the fucking thanks I get? This is how you repay me for sticking by your side? Do you even know how difficult it is to deal with someone who won’t even get out of bed?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He shoves the suitcase in Rigby’s arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I do everything I can to make you happy and you go around whoring yourself out, blaming it on your illness. Is it really so selfish to ask for some loyalty and commitment in return?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He moves him backwards towards the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Come on blue jay, don’t do this-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Don’t fucking call me that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Rigby stops, puts his hand on the doorframe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Well where am I supposed to go? Come on man you can’t just kick me out like this!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t give a shit where you go! Just get the fuck out of my sight, I’m done caring about you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Rigby opens his mouth for another argument, but closes it. There’s nothing changing Mordecai’s mind now. He can see how much the taller has cried, and he can see how hurt he is. He knows he messed up bad. He leaves without another word._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Mordecai slams the door shut, half expecting someone to yell at him for slamming doors but it never comes. There’s only silence that follows, and he stares at the doorknob for a moment. Mordecai figured the entire house was listening, but wasn’t in the mood to care._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The room is dark and feels empty. Mordecai rips the sheets that smell like Rigby off his bed and throws them to the floor. For a while, he lies on the naked mattress, staring up at the ceiling. His mind is racing and Rigby’s absence is overwhelming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Why wasn’t he enough for him?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He hated to give Rigby shit for the depression, because he knows no amount of affection will cure him, but he was beyond pissed for being used as a toy. He was infuriated that Rigby even thought for a second that having sex with other people would go unnoticed or even pass as acceptable. This insatiable craving felt like an easy way out to Mordecai, that Rigby didn’t have to suffer as much or even take his medication if he could get fucked instead. Morally, it was on several levels of messed up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Again, Mordecai didn’t want to make this about him, but he just found out his boyfriend had been cheating on him for over a month. How else is he going to feel? He puts on his headphones and turns his music all the way up. As he instinctively reaches into his pocket, he doesn’t mind skipping dinner tonight._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	8. Chapter 8

Margaret stands at her vanity, looking at herself in the mirror as she brushes her hair root to tip. She’s changed out of her work uniform, now in a tank top and a pair of soft shorts that just barely covers her butt. Her feet hurt from the 5 hour shift but she remains, never straying from her nightly beauty routine. She’s counting strokes in her head while simultaneously listening to Mordecai talk between mouthfuls of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream; straight from the container no less.

“He’s just such a douchebag, you know?” he says, with a clink of the spoon hitting his teeth as he shovels more frozen dessert in. Mordecai’s sat on her bed, having eaten about half of the gallon himself. How cliche.

“Totally, Mordecai. He’s an asshole,” Margaret replies, setting the brush down and turning to face him. Mordecai came over just after she got off work, and immediately went for the freezer. They’d been together for about an hour, and the redhead was just finishing getting ready for bed. It was pretty late, after all.

A few weeks had passed since That Day. Mordecai had gone through several phases during that time: relentless rage, persistent breakdowns, numbness, and now he was currently eating his emotions, indulging in every comfort food in existence. He was lucky his metabolism was like an olympic runner. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, so after work today he decided to hang out with Margaret for moral support and possibly a shoulder to cry on, but mostly for the free food. He wasn’t a bad person, he was just fragile and vulnerable and hungry. It was safe to say that Rigby really fucked him up, for a lack of better words.

“Yeah, honestly,” he agrees. He hadn’t told her all the details, but Margaret knows how much Mordecai was connected with Rigby, physically and especially emotionally. The guy was in an intimate relationship with his best friend since childhood, so she could sympathize with the amount of mental trauma this entire thing caused him. Once you have sex with someone, you’re attached to them in every way. She couldn’t relate personally, obviously, but she’d always be there for him. She has enough heartbreak experience of her own to comfort him in his time of need. Margaret sighs as she eyes Mordecai devouring the ice cream. This Mordecai was very rare and it was saddening to see him like this. She sits next to him on the bed, tucking her leg underneath her and keeping the other dangling.

“But I mean, what if Rigby _wasn’t _just using you? Like, what if he felt bad for doing you so much, and he was so desperate to escape his suffering, that he just fucked whoever, whenever? You know?” She opens her mouth, and Mordecai feeds her a spoonful. He’d been too busy hating Rigby that he never thought to consider where his counterpart was at mentally. It was a legitimate suggestion, but the wound was still too fresh to approach the other with open arms.__

__“I dunno. It still hurts. A lot.” His voice cracks at the last word, and he holds his breath to keep himself from crying. Margaret rubs his back._ _

__“Hey hey hey, it’s alright. You didn’t deserve what he did to you, but moping about it won’t make it better, okay?” Mordecai wipes his face._ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__She kisses his temple. “You’re a fighter, Mordecai. You got this.”_ _

__He smiles silently, scraping the sides of the container. He knew seeing Margaret would give him a boost. He’d been in such a rut, he was almost surprised Rigby had this much impact on him. He really shouldn’t have been, considering their history. The thing was, Mordecai always knew he loved Rigby, but it never occurred to him that he was _in _love with Rigby. The two were very different things.___ _

____Margaret rests her head on his shoulder, finally paying some attention to the rerun of Family Guy on the TV. It was on the whole time but it was just now that someone was actually watching it. Mordecai didn’t feel like talking more about his feelings, so she didn’t ask. Margaret was the kind of friend that's comfortable just sitting in silence with you._ _ _ _

____Her attention was once again torn away from the TV and directed to her phone as it vibrated from a text message. She picks her head up, then smiling at seeing whom it was from. Mordecai noticed this little moment, and swallows his current bite._ _ _ _

____“Who’s that?” Margaret instinctively puts her phone face down on the comforter._ _ _ _

____“No one.”_ _ _ _

____“Aw come on, just tell me.”_ _ _ _

____“What’s to tell?”_ _ _ _

____Mordecai shrugs and goes back to his snack. Margaret picks her phone back up to reply, and suddenly it’s out of her hands._ _ _ _

____“Hey!” Mordecai had taken it, turning away from her to read the message. She reaches her hands out to try and get it back, pressing her weight onto Mordecai’s back._ _ _ _

____“Who’s CJ?”_ _ _ _

____“Mordecai give it back!”_ _ _ _

____“Who’s CJ?” he asks again, this time a laugh disrupting his flow of words. Margaret wrestles him for the phone._ _ _ _

____“She’s no one! Just a friend- give it to me!”_ _ _ _

____Mordecai laughs, “No! If she was ‘just a friend,’ you wouldn’t be freaking out!” She almost has it, but Mordecai is stronger and manages to keep her at a distance._ _ _ _

____“Are you talking to her?”_ _ _ _

____“What? No- not ‘talking’ talking, I don’t know! Just give me my phone!” They’re both in stitches at this point, cracking up and fighting for the phone._ _ _ _

____Suddenly, Margaret’s on top of Mordecai. She’s pinned him down, the ice cream knocked over and spilled on her blanket. His hand is limp but she’s not even trying to get her phone at this point. They’re quiet, Margaret straddling him while Mordecai is looking up at her with wide eyes. Nothing is said, just loud breaths and hearts beating and red faces. They’re searching each other’s faces for any indication on feelings or what to do next, but there’s nothing. Just emptiness._ _ _ _

____In an instant, Margaret’s lips are on Mordecai’s. He’s so taken aback he doesn’t even realize it at first. He pushes her off, sits up and she’s looking down with her hand over her mouth. Margaret refuses to meet his eyes. She’s about to start crying._ _ _ _

____“Margaret…” he begins._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” she chokes out. Margaret gets up and goes to the bathroom. She closes the door. She doesn’t come back out._ _ _ _

____x_ _ _ _

____On his way home, Mordecai keeps his music off and just drives in silence. He can’t get the feeling and image out of his head. He figures that’s better than That Day, though it's like everything is going wrong. He’s bothered by it and he almost wishes he would’ve taken the ice cream. He’s still hungry._ _ _ _

____Rigby hadn’t come back since he left, not even to work. Benson hadn’t fired him, either, which was surprising. Mordecai doesn’t really know where he’s run off to, and a part of him worries. He doesn’t want to worry about him. Mordecai doesn’t know how to feel better, he doesn’t know how to move on. Granted it’d only been a little while, but he can’t take a shower these days without crying. He feels weak. He hates that Rigby makes him feels this way._ _ _ _

____What Mordecai does know, is that he has every right to be pissed. He knows he did what he could to try and be there for Rigby. He knows that Rigby betrayed him and fucked him over. Where had he gone wrong? What did he do to make Rigby displeased? He considers Margaret’s words of advice from before; maybe he did feel bad about it. But it’s not like that just excuses him from his actions._ _ _ _

____What’s making this all the more difficult is that Mordecai is directing his anger at two people, opposed to one. Jeremy was in on it too, and all of his past attempts at befriending him and putting their hostility in the past were thrown away without a second thought. Some people just aren’t worth it. He’d sat down with him at the coffee shop and didn’t feel even a sliver of remorse. Jeremy looked him in the eye and knew that he was sleeping with his boyfriend. How he'd become such an incredible liar, was something Mordecai had yet to figure out._ _ _ _

____The park was quiet by the time Mordecai pulled up in the driveway. It was pretty dark out, but it was still a bit early, since the days were becoming shorter. He looks in his rearview mirror before getting out of the car. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost were returning in the golf cart, probably finishing yet another mundane task that required little effort. He can tell they see him even in the poor lighting. He slams the door shut after climbing out._ _ _ _

____Muscle Man swings out of the cart, “What's up, Mordo? Coming back from making out with your boyfriend?”_ _ _ _

____The taller feels aggression burn in his chest. He's not dealing with this. Not today._ _ _ _

____“Fuck off,” he says, sharp and noticeably irritated. The fat man detects this, seeing it as an opportunity for some fun. Mordecai almost feels bad for the guy; his only amusement is making other people suffer. How does Fives tolerate that?_ _ _ _

____“Aww, someone's in a bad mood. Didja’ get cum in your eye, faggot?”_ _ _ _

____Fives’ weak voice sounds out, even with a crack at first, like he could feel the sting of Mordecai’s words on his own skin, “Maybe you shouldn't say that stuff, Muscle Man.” His hand was on Muscle Man’s thick arm, but it was shaken off as he stepped towards the taller. Every voice in Mordecai’s head was telling him to _get out of there _, but even his weight refrained from doing so much as shifting slightly.___ _ _ _

______He was angry. He was pissed beyond his own self-control. His knuckles were turning white at every passing second Muscle Man kept flapping his gums, going on and on about some derogatory shit. Mordecai couldn't believe someone as bigoted and rotten as Muscle Man was allowed to exist. He’d had enough. He was sick of the constant badgering, always getting such a hard time and never being able to escape the incessant harassment. His consciousness of Muscle Man’s laughter faded away into awareness of his own tampered breathing. This was going to end._ _ _ _ _ _

______“...such a fuckin’ sausage fest. Rigby probably takes on like, three guys-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Not a second later, and a sickening crunch silenced his drivel. His mouth was open in shock; he looked up at Mordecai, flinched while touching his nose, and looked down at the blood on his fingers. He didn’t have enough time to look back up at Mordecai before the addictive rush overtook him, pumping adrenaline through his veins to give Muscle Man another solid punch to the face, making him stagger._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He didn’t pay any attention to Fives._ _ _ _ _ _

______His fist slammed hard in his eye, drawing more blood from his nose and a hint of a bruise starting to form. Mordecai walked toward him, hitting him in the gut so he’d double over and fall to his knees._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai stop!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______With a final shove, Muscle Man was on his back and Mordecai wasted no time in getting on top of him to let out all his frustration. Muscle Man was trying to hold his arms up to block, but it was useless. Mordecai was too fast, using both of his fists to beat him and bruise him and make him bleed._ _ _ _ _ _

______He could take the slurs, and he could take the torment. The second Rigby’s name left Muscle Man’s mouth, Mordecai was pushed just far enough to go over the edge. He was ending this. Tonight._ _ _ _ _ _

______The look of sheer terror and hopelessness on Muscle Man’s face was thrilling, satisfying. He needed more. He craved the other’s suffering and weakness. He was on top of the world, doing the very thing he’s been wanting for the longest time. Knuckles tore into the skin on his face as he tried calling out in pain; the blood in his mouth choked him and blocked out any sound._ _ _ _ _ _

______In a split second, a pair of arms were secured around his chest and yanked Mordecai up off of him. He didn’t even register who had grabbed him; all he cared about in that moment was breaking free and ripping Muscle Man’s skin off. He was blind. His heart was racing. The arms constraining him refused to let up, even with his attempts to force his way out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” he screamed, shaking the leaves from the trees around them._ _ _ _ _ _

______By this time, his breathing was choppy but slowing and he could take in his surroundings. Thomas was holding him back, while Fives and Pops were looking over Muscle Man and making sure he was still conscious. Skips and Benson were running up to them; Skips had a look of pure disappointment on his face. Mordecai made eye contact with him only briefly, feeling every bit of his discontent stab into his heart. He let him down._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! You think this type of behaviour is accepted at my park?!” Benson’s face was the reddest he’d ever seen, what he could manage to see in the dark. The lines in his face showed every trace of anger. He was done. There was no coming back._ _ _ _ _ _

______The world was spinning. He suddenly felt claustrophobic in Thomas’s arms. He needed air. The sound of sirens a few blocks away made his heart skip a beat. What had he done? What was Benson yelling?_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re fired, Mordecai! You hear me?! YOU’RE. FIRED.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______No no no. This was not happening._ _ _ _ _ _

______Police officers climbed out of their cars, rushing over to Mordecai and the rest of the employees. The flashing red and blue lights illuminated the blackened park, making them squint. Mordecai was hauled up by his arms, then pushed to lay on the hood of one of the cars. Skips was talking to one of the officers, while another was kneeling down at Muscle Man’s side. Benson was raging, walking around in circles, pointing at Mordecai and yelling something inaudible. Pops had his face in his hands, crying and shaking. He assumed Thomas and Fives were looking at him, because his vision became clouded with tears that wouldn't fall. The metal hand cuffs were snapped on his wrists, he was jerked up by his shirt collar, and pushed once more to get into the backseat of the cop car. As the door was slammed in his face, the life he once knew stood before him like an instant memory. Nothing would ever be the same._ _ _ _ _ _


	9. Chapter 9

Mordecai had made the local news the day after he was arrested. It was nothing too shocking, but it was interesting enough to be a story on TV and even a headline or two in the newspapers. It was probably because no one ever heard anything negative about the park before. It was a nice little place to have a picnic with your kids or sit on one of the benches and feed the birds. There was lots of buzz when there was word going around about a fight that ended up in injuries and jail time. That park? No one paid too much attention to it, it was always just a part of town. 

As the “victim,” Muscle Man was interviewed first.

Even after a shower and getting cleaned up, he was still a bruised and broken mess. The way he spat into the reporter’s microphone conveyed his anger and desperate attempt at looking innocent. His distraught was obvious as he frantically moved his arms around as he told his story. The exaggerated gesticulations weren’t much help in selling his words. He'd claimed he was just trying to have a “normal conversation” with Mordecai, and he was attacked for no reason. He wasn't concerned with seeming weak for having his ass handed to him, just that Mordecai was known as the bad guy and nothing else.

Hi Five Ghost was no help; the only comments he made were minimal, and backed up Muscle Man’s story.

Benson and Skips were interviewed at the same time. Both had no idea who started it, and the only reason they came outside was because of the screaming and yelling. Benson was still pissed at the park drawing in negative publicity, which resulted in his silence to maintain his composure. Skips spoke for him, going so far as to say how disappointed he was in Mordecai.

“Mordecai always had a good heart. He was lazy, but a good person. I don't think he'd ever intentionally hurt someone without some sort of instigator. Still, it's sad he thought physical violence would solve whatever was going on between them.”

With Pops still shaken up and refusing to be interviewed, Thomas was last. He was there, and saw the whole thing.

He stood outside with the news crew, camera and microphone shoved in his face. His arms were crossed as he recalled the events of last night.

“I was outside taking the garbage out, when Mordecai and Muscle Man arrived home at the same time. As soon as Mordecai got out of the car, I could tell Muscle Man was gonna start something. So he started saying…” he stopped for a second, considering whether or not he should go into detail. Well, he figured if he's going to tell the truth, the world’s just gonna have to know about Mordecai’s sexuality.

“...hateful things. He made fun of Mordecai and his sexuality, using homophobic slurs and offensive terms to get to him. I never really knew Mordecai to be a violent person, he's really chill. But something just made him fly off the handle, man. I eventually had to hold him back, he was really hurt.”

Mordecai’s court date was on the 21st of November, a Monday. Thomas would be his witness, and the art school money he had tucked away went to his lawyer. The whole town was suddenly interested in the case, each citizen forming their own opinion on who was guilty and who was innocent. The park employees all had to attend, as other witnesses to the fight, even Pops.

The days leading up to the court hearing were insufferable. The park was awkwardly silent; no one dared speak a word or even watch TV. No one could look Muscle Man in the eye. The house without Mordecai or Rigby was dramatically different than with them. There was such a loss of life in the house, which was replaced with tense tones and everyone was on edge. Fives was like a ghost, solemnly following Muscle Man around like he had nothing better to do, like he couldn’t bear the thought of giving him some space.

It was enough to adjust to Rigby’s depression. Then it was just Mordecai, being a shell of himself and not talking to anybody. And now it was both of them gone, leaving a gap in the residence that no one expected. The curtains were permanently drawn for avoidance of the press. It seemed the story got bigger with each passing day; more and more people were interested. The mundane tasks around the park were left undone, and Benson had to sneak out of his own home to pick up milk from the grocery store. This was all within the first week. 

“Benson! Is it true your employee committed a hate crime?”

“Who's to blame for the deterioration of the park?”

“Will you fire your employees?”

“How do you predict this will affect your business in the future?”

“Thomas! A few words, please!”

Even with the house closed up, the journalists were relentless with their incessant questions and unnecessarily loud cameras. Muscle Man liked the attention, but Benson didn't let him get pulled in any further. This was all damaging the park’s reputation, and Benson’s boss could be heard screaming at him over the phone from the next room over. Something had to be done, but no one knew what. What was going to save the park?

November 21st had finally met them, and even though the hearing hadn’t even started yet, everyone was just a little bit more relieved. Mordecai had high hopes for pleading innocent, but he severely doubted it. He just wanted to get out of jail, wanted to get back home to the park, wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to sleep through his alarm and miss part of the meetings in the mornings. He wanted to fight over the last Poptart in the box with Muscle Man. He wanted to receive inspiring advice from Skips when he had a problem. He wanted to hang out with Margaret and Eileen at the coffee shop. He wanted to slack off on a job with Rigby. He wanted to sleep in the same bed as Rigby. He wanted to touch and kiss and feel and fuck Rigby. He missed Rigby, badly.

Every time Mordecai closed his eyes, he pictured the two of them together. He unwillingly thought about the feeling of Rigby’s lips on his. The memory of his body with Mordecai’s was the absolute worst. He’d remember a specific detail of their sex for a second, then force himself awake, cringing and holding his head as he tried to make it fade. Rigby’s sensory imprints on him kept him up night after night.

The cell was already cold, dreary, and even monochromatic. He never thought he’d wish to see the muted tan walls of his bedroom so much. He was all alone in there; he was left alone with a haunted mind. At least he didn’t have to worry about getting along with a cellmate, but he was hoping to never have to really adjust to prison life after Monday. He had a feeling he’d be calling this place “home” for a while, but a part of him still felt optimistic. He figured he was lucky in that way.

Mordecai didn’t know why he was expecting Benson, Skips, Thomas, and Pops to be delighted to see him. They all made quick eye contact with him, then immediately averted their eyes. It was in that moment that he felt utterly alone, fending for himself. Despite the paid lawyer, he knew he deserved it nonetheless. He lost his self-control and unleashed his wrath on Muscle Man, and has to pay the price for it. He knows he’s in the wrong, but he also knows Muscle Man isn’t completely innocent, either. Mordecai was provoked.

It was apparent to the jury just how unkempt Mordecai was. There were dark circles under his eyes, and even with his neutral facial expression, he was obviously anxious as all hell. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Seeing Muscle Man on the other side of the room angered him, but he was also remorseful at the fact that this could’ve been avoided. If Muscle Man had just kept his big mouth shut, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Rumors and publicity wouldn’t have caught on to the park like wildfire and Mordecai wouldn’t potentially have to live behind bars if Muscle Man had even a shred of self control or empathy. But Mordecai wishes he was able to refrain himself as well. The case has gone viral and everyone now thinks Mordecai is an aggressive homosexual who acts first and thinks later, twisting their views on the LGBT community.

What he’s hoping to convey at the hearing is that he wasn’t pissed so much at the gay bashing, but that Muscle Man’s actions were a form of sexual harassment. He made jokes about Mordecai’s sex life, he constantly invaded his privacy by asking about it, he went out of his way to make inappropriate comments and suggestive gestures, and the derogatives were just a plus. He’d plead innocent, and his lawyer would pin the blame on Muscle Man for his provocations. It was a bit of a long-shot, but Mordecai had some hope left in him. Muscle Man wouldn’t walk away scot free.

Hi Five Ghost was called to the stand as Muscle Man’s prime witness. He was nervous, visibly.

He and Mordecai had never been “best buds,” but Mordecai had a bit of faith that Fives was honest. After all, he did swear on the Bible that he’d tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The smaller man was sitting up there, hands folded in his lap as he tried not to look at anyone in the jury.

“Just tell us what you saw,” the judge said, keeping her voice stern yet gentle. 

He took a breath, “I was coming back from the store with Muscle Man. Mordecai was just arriving home too, and they both got out of the cars at the same time.”

He was kneading the sleeve of his rental suit in his hands, head down.

“Muscle Man started talking to him, and suddenly Mordecai jumped at him and started beating him up.”

“And what were Muscle Man and Mordecai talking about?”

“Well… it was mostly just Muscle Man talking. He was asking him about his ex boyfriend. Asking… how he was doing.”

Muscle Man didn't show any emotion on his face, but he smiled slightly when Fives made eye contact with him for a second. They let Fives sit back down, and the color returned to his face. He was as white as a ghost while sitting up there.

Thomas was called up next, and he explained the night how it actually went down. “Yeah, I was taking out the trash, when I heard Muscle Man say some really messed up stuff to Mordecai. Lots of.. homophobic slurs and.. pretty derogatory comments.” He didn’t really make it sound like either one was the victim or the criminal, but it was abundantly clear that he was on Mordecai’s side, due to his repetition of accusing Muscle Man of his hate speech. Thomas had his back.

Maybe it was the breakup that was messing with his mind, but Mordecai totally considered fucking Thomas after this whole fiasco.

Eventually, Muscle Man had to sit up there as well, and Mordecai’s chest was relentless in the feeling of caving in. He was paying good money for this lawyer, it was his last hope to get out of this in one piece. Figuratively. But not surprisingly, Muscle Man was totally skewing and distorting the story to his benefit. Part of it was true, he didn’t hit Mordecai back once. It was obvious he was lying about the majority of it, but Mordecai knew his lawyer would handle it. He was hoping, at least. Dante was a young guy who was still energetic and got hyped for his work, which was reassuring. 

He began with the obvious, strutting around the room with his hands folded together. “Is it true you asked invasive questions about Mordecai’s sex life?” Muscle Man was stiff.

“And is it also true, that you ask those questions on a regular basis?”

Mordecai could feel his own pulse settle a bit. He was hopeful. 

“Well… Mordecai and I are bros. We talk about stuff like that all the time.” He waved his hand to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. Dante was visibly non-believing. No one in the entire courtroom was. 

“So, as “bros,” you and Mordecai probably do discuss such topics. Am I wrong?” Dante was starting to feel like a good investment.

“Okay okay, so maybe I do ask Mordecai about it from time to time. What’s so wrong about that?” 

Dante was able to get Muscle Man to gradually admit to making fun of Mordecai, and to get the judge and the jury to see his actions as sexual harassment. Things were looking up, until Mordecai was called to the stand. Dante had given him some confidence, but the little voice in the back of his mind was telling him it was already over. 

Muscle Man’s lawyer, an older man, was even more menacing as he stood up, and his height was apparent. The park employee shrank in his seat as he was put on the spot. He knew he was doomed. 

“To my understanding, you attacked Mr. Man over there with no real threat?” his deep voice was enough to make anyone tremble.

“Objection!” Dante called out. The judge nodded her head at him, and he stood up once more.

“My client was verbally assaulted,” he pointed a finger at Muscle Man. “He was aggressive with his hate speech and provoked him.” He adjusted his tie before sitting back down.

The seasoned lawyer showed no sign of annoyance. Only arrogance.

“My client was beaten and bruised- almost to _death _, mind you. Despite what was said, he was physically harmed and did not fight back, even for self-defense. Your client has no self-control and therefore _must _be put behind bars.”____

____“This is his first offense! You have no way of proving this will happen again!”_ _ _ _

____“Is a virgin still a virgin even though it’s only her ‘first time?’”_ _ _ _

____The judge struck her gavel._ _ _ _

____“Order, order! Gentlemen, calm down!”_ _ _ _

____They settled, and the attention was back on Mordecai._ _ _ _

____The rest of the trial went as predicted. Mordecai was on his last legs here, he needed to be proclaimed innocent. Pre-trial detention was enough to make him crazy, he didn’t know how he could take an actual prison sentence. When the time came to make the final decision, his heart was beating out of his chest, his palms were sweaty and he felt like he could throw up at any given moment. The judge called him up to stand before her, and she looked down on him through her glasses._ _ _ _

____“This is your first offense, and you were a victim of sexual harassment, but I do not see rude comments as a legitimate threat. You attacked with no real provocation and he did not hit back. With everything taken into account, I sentence you to six months in prison for criminal battery.”_ _ _ _

____The sound of the gavel striking once more was the last thing Mordecai would remember before it all went black._ _ _ _


	10. Chapter 10

In about a span of two months, Mordecai was finally adjusting to this major life change. It took time, but he had a surplus of that these days. The majority of his day was spent trying to kill time, because if you’re not doing a job, showering, eating, or seeing a visitor, there really wasn’t much to do. They let the inmates have a couple hours of free time in the “Activities Room,” where there were various board games and sets of tables and chairs. Normally they would be outside, but it was January and who wanted to stand in a bunch of dirty snow? 

Okay, he’s out there for a maximum of 5 minutes to smoke a cigarette, but that’s as much as he can take. He never particularly liked cold weather.

He actually wanted to work, which was a total 360 degree turn from his obligations back at the park. His job was to wash and fold all the laundry. There was some help, of course, but he actually didn’t mind it; it gave him something to pass the time. Prison wasn’t scary anymore, it became too incredibly boring to make him anxious. Sure, there’s a certain way of doing things to abide by, but the prisoners had loads of free time on their hands, which only made the sentence feel even longer.

Mordecai was thankful he had hit it off with his cellmate almost immediately. It was a guy only a bit older than him, maybe in his mid thirties. He gave him advice upon first arriving and gives great haircuts; Mordecai let him dye his hair black and cut it shorter, shaving off an hour or two the one day. No pun intended. There was this aura around Mordecai that he assumed people respected, or just didn’t care altogether. Everyone was just kind of chill with him, and he figured already having tattoos was a sort of rite of passage. He’d made some friends to eat meals and hang out with and casual partnerships to have sex with when needed. He technically was single, and everyone did it anyway for that needed relief. Plus, he wasn't really worried about doing that stuff with other guys for _Rigby’s _sake.__

__Rigby was a constant on his mind at first, but now memories of him come back randomly in flashes. He’ll just be folding a shirt when a mental image of the two of them cuddling on the couch will smack him in the face. He’ll flinch, but then go back to what he was doing. It hurts, and it would be weird if it didn't, but a part of him had become numb to it. It happens and then he moves on. Having sex with other guys almost felt invigorating, like he was getting him back without him actually knowing. Mordecai didn’t even know if Rigby knew he got arrested. He probably did, since practically everyone in the town and the next town over did. He worried about him still, at times. He never found out where he ended up staying or if he even still went to therapy. He’d made no effort in reaching out to Rigby, but it wasn’t like he was going to start now._ _

__It was one Tuesday during dinner that things started to really change, adding on to the whole “getting arrested” thing. He was skipping the meal to copulate with this guy Taylor, whom Mordecai had begun to see more regularly. Taylor was three years older than him, and he took advantage of being older right away. Mordecai never knew how much fun being a bottom could be, but he still wasn’t keen to this whole idea of dominant and submissive roles. It felt too… intense. As the “submissive,” he wasn’t allowed to even suggest switching. It wasn't his cup of tea._ _

__It was a usual session, nothing out of the ordinary except for the position they were in. They went from doggystyle to Mordecai’s back pressed against the cell wall, allowing them to have a conversation. Usually it was just pleasure sounds or dirty talking at the most. He didn't know what made that day different._ _

__“I just have to know- are you gay?”_ _

__Mordecai was having trouble organizing his thoughts. Even though Taylor was currently inside of him, he feared scaring him off by letting him know he actually enjoyed it. He admittedly had grown a bit attached to him, but you really can't blame him. He was incredibly sexy, with dark brown facial hair that contrasted beautifully with the blond on his head. Every time he looked so seductively at Mordecai with those green eyes, he felt the most unhealthy desire envelope him. His body was toned and defined, and his tongue piercing was what really did it for him. Maybe the guy was just really horny, but the way he kept coming back to Mordecai fueled his hidden clinginess. He felt so satisfied, reassured when he was with him. Maybe it was because Rigby left him so fragile and vulnerable. He was left with this hole in his heart, constantly bleeding out and longing for affection._ _

__“Probably. I don’t really know.” He lets out a breathy moan. “Why?”_ _

__Taylor places one hand on the small of his back to stabilize himself, “I think we should become exclusive.”_ _

__Prison boyfriends?_ _

__“You mean like, dating?”_ _

__“I don’t know if- agh- you’d call it that.” He just pants for a moment._ _

__“I don’t want to see you with anyone else, is what I’m saying.”_ _

__“Hah- I think they call that dating, dude.” They both smile, laughing as much as their lack of breath allowed them._ _

__“Just shut up,” Taylor said, closing the gap between their lips for a wet second. He could get used to this._ _

__After they finished up, dinner was already over, so they went their separate ways. Mordecai sat on the bed in his cell with sore hips and a weight on his chest. Falling under Taylor’s spell, being the one in his spotlight, it felt good. It felt really fucking good. He wanted this more than anything. He needed Taylor to give him attention and only him._ _

__“You good, man?” his cellmate asked as he walked in. He must’ve seen him deep in thought._ _

__“Huh? Oh, yeah. It’s all good, Austin.” The older man made the “ok” sign with his fingers before climbing into bed._ _

__It was unclear how many days had passed, like everything that’s happened to Mordecai has all merged together into one big blur; he was unable to differentiate one specific day from another. He liked routine, truly, but he remembers Taylor coming into the laundry room and yanking his pants down without even a simple “hello” like it was a recollection of past events that had occurred over an extended period of time. This was in a matter of week. Maybe. He had no idea._ _

__“Mordecai. You have a visitor,” was all the guard said as he was walking past. It was all he needed to say to make a million hypothetical situations pop up in his mind. His initial thought was Rigby, and he was hoping it was Rigby, but realistically it most likely wasn’t. Was it Muscle Man coming to apologize? Maybe it was Benson with his bail money or Thomas coming to take him up on his offer that never left his thoughts. Irrational as it was, it would be nice if it was Thomas. These all came to the same conclusion, so his trek down to the visiting room was anxiety-ridden and he couldn’t stop rubbing the back of his neck._ _

__The person sitting at the small table appeared to be repressing nerves, as he sat there with his hands folded neatly and his back straight. At the sight of Mordecai hugging the corner like a nervous kid hiding behind a pair of legs, his visitor stood up slowly, like he was unsure how to approach him. The inmate was stuck standing there, unable to really process movement due to surprise and overshadowing confusion._ _

__“Mordecai, gimme some sugar,” came the gentle, welcoming greeting._ _

__Mordecai smiled, accepting the arms that were opened up to him and returning the hug, “Hey, Don.”_ _

__It suddenly dawned on him that Rigby’s younger brother probably knew about everything that went on between the two of them as of late. Rigby was never openly fond of him, but Mordecai knew that as they grew up and time passed, they had become closer and matured. Rigby lost pretty much all contact with his family upon moving out and into the house with Mordecai. Don was the only one to even try and keep in touch with him, and Rigby eventually stopped being so hostile towards his blood and started getting along with him as adults, because even Rigby doesn’t stay at age 19 forever._ _

__Rigby’s family had accepted Mordecai as apart of them from the beginning. He was always Rigby’s best friend, and there was a spot for him at the dinner table every night. They’d never know Mordecai as Rigby’s _boyfriend _until eventually he’d be forced to invite them to the wedding. Mordecai still thought about that possibility. And he was grateful for Don for treating Rigby the same as he would if he brought a girl home. Don and Mordecai were consistently getting along, and in general just being cool with each other. Maybe it was because he was already familiar with Mordecai being at the house when they were teenagers and not even questioning their closeness, that the news that they were involved romantically wasn’t all too surprising. Mordecai was now wondering why Don was here instead of Rigby, but he didn’t have to ask the question for it to be answered.___ _

____“How have you been? Adjusting okay?” the taller asked. Mordecai nodded. As they sat down at the table, he talked briefly about his incarceration and the friends he’d made. He kept it concise because he figured Don hadn’t come to talk about Mordecai’s prison sentence. Frankly, he was sick of talking about it._ _ _ _

____“Mordecai… I’m happy to see you. Ever since Rigby got really bad, we haven’t seen each other and I’m glad we’re doing it now.” He was wringing his hands, uncharacteristically avoiding eye contact._ _ _ _

____“Rigby’s been staying with me for a while now. After you guys had your big fight, he came to my house saying he didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t ask any questions that first day because he was crying too hard to properly speak. But these days Mordecai…” he took a breath._ _ _ _

____“Rigby hasn’t gotten out of bed in a week. Only to go to the bathroom. He won’t eat or take his medication. It’s so bad, I can’t... “ he rubs his hands on his face, all of his distress releasing itself in his pained body language and words. “When he does talk, it’s about you. He repeats over and over how he wants to die because he hurt you, and I think he really means it.”_ _ _ _

____“Don, why would you tell me this?” Mordecai has never felt a weight so heavy on his chest before now. The stinging tears at the corners of his eyes never fall nor does he possess enough strength to place his hand over his mouth. He sits there, completely still, old wounds bleeding again like the first time._ _ _ _

____Don appears to be slightly trembling as he responds, “Because I don’t know what else to do. And… I want to be able to go back there and reassure Rigby that you don’t hate him. The weight of his actions is crushing him.”_ _ _ _

____It was clear whose side Don was on. He always was a bit too passive, especially towards his brother. He wanted so bad for Mordecai to just forget everything and take Rigby back, but he was hurt. Being cheated on with multiple partners is something you just can’t let roll off your back. It still stings like the day he caught him red handed. He was too angry at Rigby to let himself miss him._ _ _ _

____Mordecai crossed his arms against his chest, closing his eyes for a fleeting moment to ease the pressure. Don was looking at him, begging him with a gaze. They were just two men sitting together, both whose weaknesses were Rigby and his immutable power to get exactly whatever he wanted out of them. Rigby was a gem, he was something else. Now that his mind was filled with images of Rigby and pleasant memories going by in seconds, Mordecai couldn’t prevent the corners of his lips from turning up. He saw Rigby in his mind and felt him in his heart, thinking of his physical attributes like his sun kissed skin and dark brown eyes that you could get lost in. He remembered the loving, intimate moments they’d shared, along with the casual memories of the two of them hanging out at the arcade or making prank calls. He remembered Rigby and just Rigby, all his flaws as well as the wonderful qualities that made the person he was. It was all of this with the cherry on top that was his aching heart that made him come to this conclusion._ _ _ _

____He opens his eyes, only to see Don tearing up too. “I love your brother. He’s my world, dude,” he says, running a hand through his hair._ _ _ _

____“I’m always gonna love him, but I can’t forgive him.”_ _ _ _

____With that, he stands up from the table and leaves the room without looking back. He regrets not giving Don a proper goodbye, but he was too choked up and emotional. He wasn’t expecting any of that, and part of it felt good to talk about, but he knew he wasn’t going to get better any time soon. He thought about what Don was going to say to Rigby when he returned, and if he’d be back to visit him again. He thought about what Rigby was going to think and how he was going to react. Should he feel bad? Should he feel responsible if Rigby were to retrogress even further? He shouldn’t, but inevitably he would._ _ _ _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there loves :) 
> 
> Just popping in for a second to let you know that there is rape depicted in this chapter, so please, if that is something that makes you uncomfortable then skip this chapter for now
> 
> xoxo

The goosebumps on his arms were slight and negligible, and yet the smoke emanating into his mouth and lungs insinuates to have made up for the last bit of chill that Spring held onto. The wrinkles on his fingers resembled little flesh colored raisins that held the cigarette so delicately, with the same tenderness as if it were a butterfly resting for not but a moment on his appendage. The white butterfly tipped with brown was beautiful as it was poisonous. Mordecai cared for the thing, trusting it and attaching himself to it, all the while it was killing him. He was fully aware of it.

A single breeze caressed his flesh; it rustled the trees, making their branches dance in the late afternoon sky. He liked it outside. Nature was something so mundane and overlooked now, which resulted in Mordecai’s ability to clear his mind with the sight of authentic colors and textures. The fence around where he was standing was pretty high, but for a little bit he could pretend that it wasn’t there, and sometimes it worked. 

He doesn’t remember exactly when Don came, just that it was recent because the memory of their conversation was still pretty fresh in his mind. He hadn’t been the same since that day. Seeing Rigby’s older brother, who shared a lot of physical features with him, worsened the heartache. But these days, he understands what Rigby used to say about being numb. It’s like he wasn’t fully experiencing his emotions; he was touching the translucent surface but couldn’t reach the raw feelings underneath. He hardly felt human. 

With all the time that had passed, Mordecai was finally starting to forget the painful last couple of months. But Don’s visit ensured that he remembered. The yearning for Rigby was back, as well as the anger that came with it. He was missing him again, and it all hurt the same.

The startling sound of the heavy metal door snaps him out of his thoughts; the latch on it gives way as it is opened, making him turn sharply toward it. The butterfly falls gracefully to the ground, but stays alive until it is stepped on, unbeknownst to the one it used to be held by. At the door is one of the guards, and he looks as if he knows he was interrupting something. He doesn’t look familiar; he must be new.

“You need to come back inside now. There’s more laundry.” Mordecai instinctively puts his hand up to his lips to remove his cigarette, and then when he realizes it’s not there, he mumbles an “alright” and walks past him. He suspects Taylor will be waiting for him, since he seems to pop up everywhere these days. He doesn’t know how much more his bottom half can take, and frankly he’s getting quite sick of all the undivided attention. He’s even considered asking to be switched to helping out in the kitchen just to make an unexpected move, but it seems pointless. His sentence was almost up, he assumed. 

His footsteps are light and cautious, senses alert. His perpetual walk down the halls feels like an eternity, but any second Taylor could catch him off guard and whisk him away for whatever sick endeavor he had that day. Mordecai was living in constant fear, and he never thought he’d ever want to stop getting laid; it had turned into something far worse than a casual hook up. When wrapped up in his presence, Mordecai felt so helpless and weak, like he had no other choice than to just take it -- take it and be done. This definitely wasn’t what he was expecting when he was first admitted. He knew that prison inmates tended to do sexual favors for each other and of course he was familiar with the “don’t drop the soap” jokes, but there seemed to be a secret hierarchy that existed within the prisoners that you don’t hear about. Everyday was the same, but routine didn’t stop it from being a place of anxiety and ruthless behaviour.

As he entered the laundry room, Mordecai let out the breath he had been holding in for the duration of his travel. The therapeutic sound of the running washer and dryer aided in calming his nerves, and the other people in there didn’t look up from their folding. It was all as it was supposed to be, and Mordecai allowed himself to relax. As he went across the room to grab the newest pile of dirty clothes, the person next to him nudged him in the arm. He looked up, and his heart sank. Taylor was leaning against the wall, nonchalantly like the asshole he was. He had something in his mouth, what looked to be a lollipop. Mordecai just grabbed the pile he originally was aiming for and walked over to a free washer. If Taylor wanted to see him, he was just going to have to wait. 

“Mordecai,” was heard from the other side. He kept his head down as he loaded the washing machine, as if he didn’t hear his name being called. He wasn’t a pet. 

He was tense as he poured in the laundry detergent. He could tell Taylor was approaching him. 

“What do you want?” he asked, finally looking him in the eyes. They were about the same height, but he was just a tad bit taller than Mordecai. Which annoyed him, since he was already over six foot.

Taylor took the lollipop out of his mouth and licked his lips, “You.”

Mordecai started the washer, taking the rest of the dirty clothes in his arms. “I’m busy,” was all he said in reply. He refused to give in to the sensual vibes Taylor gave off. He tried to walk past him, but Taylor moved his body in the same direction to block his attempt. He smirked, twirling the lollipop around with his fingers. He didn’t even want to know where or how he got ahold of the candy. 

“Mordecai.” His voice was lower this time, sultry and suggestive. “I don’t know why you’re trying to get away from me.” He was almost whispering at this point, capturing Mordecai in a trance. He didn’t want this, he doesn’t want this, but the way Taylor was looking at him made him feel like he wanted it. The taller knew it was working.

Taylor put the candy back in his mouth, then slowly slid it out past his wet lips, eyelids low as he maintained eye contact. A string of saliva stretched from it to his bottom lip as it was removed, before he flicked his tongue to eliminate it. Without hesitation, Taylor did the same to Mordecai. He placed the lollipop on his lips, then pushed it into his mouth. The artificial cherry flavor coated his tongue as the heat of the moment increased. As Taylor went to remove the lollipop, Mordecai instinctively put his hand over his, guiding the candy as it slid out. The taller was visibly aroused at the sight, opening up and allowing Mordecai to see his sexual vulnerability. He places his hand on the back of Mordecai’s neck to embrace him in an intimate kiss, one with lingering lips and a loss of breath. The clothes in his arms were dropped when Taylor lost his last shred of self-control and roughly pulled him out of the laundry room.

Once safely tucked away in a hidden corner, Taylor got right to work. He wasted no time as he shoved Mordecai against the wall, sending a surge of pain to the back of his head. He was merciless, forcing his tongue down his throat and touching absolutely everywhere with his rough hands. The moment he grabbed Mordecai’s crotch, making him call out in pain, was when he knew this was not what he wanted and he had to get out of there now. His hands shot up to Taylor’s chest in order to push him off. And for a second he did, but Taylor surpassed him in strength and held him against the wall.

“Why are you resisting me?” he asked, his voice sickeningly sweet. Mordecai was trapped, pulse racing in fear. He mustered enough nerve to try and talk his way out.

“I don’t wanna do this,” he answered, breathily. A smirk was plastered on Taylor’s face, like he was expecting this all to happen. He knows his power over him. With one hand still holding him back, he lifts the other to caress Mordecai’s face. 

“Shh, baby it’s all good. Just relax,” he murmured, moving his ginger yet poisonous touch from his cheek to his throat. 

“No. Please.. stop.” Mordecai tried once more to push him off, but he was again too weak. The shift from lust to anger was evident on Taylor’s face; he tightens his fingers around Mordecai’s throat, threatening to choke him. 

“Might I remind you, you’d be _suffering _if it weren’t for me. I keep you safe from the fucked up people here. I get your cigs and I know how this place works.” His eyes were burning holes in his, laced with frustration.__

__“Now, I’m gonna fuck you. So stop being a fucking tease and take it.”_ _

__Mordecai nodded, unable to verbally confirm due to the tears he was holding back and the sobs building up in his throat. Taylor was pleased with his answer, and loosened his grip. He planted a soft kiss just underneath Mordecai’s jaw to bring back the intimate atmosphere, and Mordecai forced himself to relax. Taylor’s words made it seem like he owed him, like Mordecai having sex with him was payment for all of his favors. In the next few seconds, his pants were down to his knees, and the penetration of a tender spot was almost overwhelming. It hurt him more than pleasured him, but he was latching onto Taylor anyway. His thrusts were sharp and elicited cries of pain from Mordecai. The sensation became too much, and Taylor allowed him to wrap his arms around his neck. He knew this wasn’t right, and he knew this wasn’t what he wanted, but he was so overcome with physical and emotional pain that he needed to be held. He squeezed his eyes shut, but a few tears managed to slip out and trail down his face._ _

__They lasted for a few more minutes, before Taylor orgasmed and let out a huge breath. He pulled out and they dressed. Mordecai was silent, but he was slightly shaky. Taylor was now much more satisfied, and touched him affectionately on the arm._ _

__“I’ll see you later.” And he was gone._ _

__The disgusted feeling that enveloped Mordecai followed him to his cell. Walking was difficult, but he managed. Slowly, he sat down on his bed, closing his eyes and wishing he could at least cry some more. He hated himself for getting sucked into Taylor’s sick world, and never before had he wanted to go home so badly. He wanted to throw up, but he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. He eventually gathered up the energy to lie down and turn on his side. He always knew prison would be a nightmare, but he never expected it to be in this way._ _

__X_ _

__Mordecai had lost pretty much all track of time, except for ‘tomorrow’ and ‘yesterday.’ A couple of ‘tommorrows’ had gone by, and Mordecai was still trapped in his incessant hell. He can’t help the thoughts that float back to a couple days ago, spiking anxiety in him. But Taylor wasn’t currently around, and he was hanging onto every last bit of hope that it would stay that way, for the rest of the morning at most._ _

__He was sitting with his cellmate, Austin, who was dishing out playing cards for another round of Go Fish. Austin knew about Taylor, but not enough to intervene. He also wasn’t the kind of guy to stick his nose in places it didn’t belong. Mordecai appreciated his company and his tendency to listen, and figures that he probably would be in an even worse state if it weren’t for him. As soon as they picked up their cards, there were footsteps approaching the cell. It was a guard._ _

__“Mordecai,” he said, tossing him a pile of clothes and a pair of shoes._ _

__“You’re out.”_ _


	12. Chapter 12

The first few steps outside the prison gates were the most liberating. It was that first minute that Mordecai felt so overwhelmed with joy that he could've cried. He was finally _free _after six months of suffering. No more bland meals, no more cold showers, no more cells or crazy inmates, and no more Taylor. It was all over, and he was ready to put it all behind him.__

__That was how he expected to feel, but that resurgence of freedom and happiness never came. It existed for a second when he first breathed in that fresh air, and then reality set in. He wanted to have a new outlook on life, but all he really had was an ill-fitting outfit from a thrift store, a bus ticket, and a meeting with his assigned parole officer in a few hours. How things would go from here were uncertain, and a part of him wanted to just go back to jail instead of deal with those he left behind. Instead, he followed the directions the warden had given him to the nearest bus stop, and waited among the other people that occupied it. He knew they couldn’t tell that he had literally just come from prison, but he felt like they actually did know and that they were all silently judging him for it. Mordecai figured it was going to take a while to shake free this guilt-laden mindset he had adopted._ _

__He was going over and over again in his mind exactly what he was going to say to everyone at the park. Should he apologize to Muscle Man? He didn’t think it was necessary. He knew he was going to beg for his job back, doing no matter what it took for Benson to agree. He just had to be given the position, as no one else was going to hire a felon and provide him a place to live. This was his best bet. He sat with his head resting in his hand as he looked out the window. Familiar places passed him by, and for a second, he thought he saw someone he knew. The very next bus stop was at the strip of stores that included the coffee shop Margaret worked at. He thanked the bus driver as he got off, and looked around. Maybe he was mistaken?_ _

__“Mordecai? Is that you?”_ _

__He turned towards the voice, and smiled in relief as he saw the other’s friendly face._ _

__“Hey, Chad.” The shorter man was light and airy, and seemed happier than the last time Mordecai had seen him. His white tee shirt hung loose over his gray jeans, complimented by a shark tooth necklace and a pair of black Vans. He placed a hand on the strap of his bag across his body, smiling back at Mordecai._ _

__“How are you? It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you!” He gave a little laugh._ _

__“Almost didn’t recognize you with the black hair.”_ _

__Chad’s endearing reaction to seeing him was somehow reassuring. Chad was just an all around likeable guy; it was near impossible to avoid being affected by his warmth and good vibes. Mordecai couldn’t think of a single person who had a legitimate problem with him._ _

__“Oh, yeah, I let one of the guys in there do it for me. Let’s just say it was all quite the experience,” he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck._ _

__The shorter man chuckled in agreement, “For sure. But you can put all that stuff behind you now, man.” Mordecai was going to explain that he still had to see his parole officer and was on watch for a while, but just nodded so he wouldn’t dampen the mood. He would’ve rather not talked about it any further, as a lot of the painful memories were so fresh in his mind. He did just get released today, so he assumed Chad would understand- he always did. Seeing his first friendly face in six months was refreshing, and it felt pretty unreal to be standing outside without a fence around him._ _

__Chad was saying something about “everyone getting together” when his ring tone sounded out through his bag. He went to dig through it, when Mordecai caught a glimpse of something that caught his eye. Could it be? It was hard to believe, but at one point Mordecai had involved himself in this situation and he figured he had a right to know. That, and he was just really curious._ _

__“Chad? Is that…” he trailed off, letting his line of sight do the asking for him. Chad stopped and looked up, face turning red. Grinning from ear to ear, it was obvious now. He held his hand up, clearly showing off a silver band around his ring finger._ _

__“We’re engaged!” He could barely control the smile stretching across his face. His happiness was infectious and pure, and Mordecai was shocked. Last time he had seen Jeremy, he was going off on him in a restaurant for getting involved, but it was actually looking like it had done some good. He never thought of Jeremy as the marrying-type, but now that he was thinking about it, Chad was marrying his college sweetheart, and Mordecai be damned if he didn’t think it was cute._ _

__The two shared a hug, with congratulations pouring out of Mordecai’s mouth. “I’m so happy for you, man.” They pulled away, but Chad was still flustered._ _

__“When did he pop the question?” The shorter combed a hand through his hair, clearly trying to regain his composure. It warmed Mordecai’s heart to see the drastic change in Chad’s mood and overall mental health._ _

__Calmly, he answered, “Two months ago.”_ _

__“Right before you left, we were getting into some pretty bad fights. I mean.. I’m sure you know that he wasn’t afraid to get physical. I was fed up and he was tired of being angry constantly. So one day we talked about whether or not this was what we really wanted.” He readjusted his bag on his shoulder, relieving nervous energy._ _

__“I always told him I was gonna leave him and I often spent the night at friends’ houses, but I never seriously considered breaking up with him. I love him, and when you’re together for as long as we’ve been…” he doesn’t meet Mordecai’s eyes._ _

__“...sometimes things get hard, you know? It was like, everything I did or said made him fly off the handle, and a lot of the time I was scared to come home from work. So we decided to try counseling, and honestly I was pretty surprised he was willing to do it. The therapist really helped us, and to this day Jeremy’s benefitting a lot from the anger management classes.”_ _

__He smiles again._ _

__“We were just sitting down at breakfast in our pajamas the one morning… just having coffee and skimming the newspaper headlines. He didn’t even get down on one knee- he just asked! I swear I almost fell off the chair. I was so shocked I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly, but he asked again and I _immediately _said yes.”___ _

____Chad was literally glowing as he finished his anecdote. Mordecai figured that it was so typical of Jeremy to do everything his own way, but that’s what made it all special this time around. And he had never seen anyone so joyful like he saw Chad right now. He was right, they had been together for a long time, so it was only appropriate that they tied the knot._ _ _ _

____Mordecai thought back to the day he caught Jeremy and Rigby in the alley. He was tempted to ask, but he had already meddled with their relationship enough, and poisoning Chad’s mood by bringing up his fiancé cheating on him would the ultimate dick move. Plus, he assumed they worked it out themselves, and that was explanation enough. Hearing about their relationship was lovely, but a small pain managed to find its way to Mordecai’s chest. He hadn’t thought about Rigby for a while, and he was just now coming to mind. Suddenly, Mordecai realized he had no idea how Rigby was doing or if he was still living with his brother; he was completely ignorant. He hadn’t spoken to Don again after he visited him that one time. Should he try and reach out to him?_ _ _ _

____“It was really nice to see you, Chad, and I’m so happy for you and Jeremy. But I should probably get going.”_ _ _ _

____“You need a ride to the park? I’m parked just over there,” Chad offered, gesturing behind him. Mordecai considered it for a moment, but ultimately shook his head._ _ _ _

____“No, that’s okay. I’ll just walk the rest of the way.”_ _ _ _

____“You sure?”_ _ _ _

____“Mmhm.”_ _ _ _

____Chad smiled up at him, accepting defeat. “Okay,” he said. “We’ll keep in touch though, right?” Mordecai couldn’t believe he even had to ask. With a final goodbye, Chad pulled Mordecai into an embrace, kissing him tenderly on the cheek._ _ _ _

____“Thank you for looking out for me.” Mordecai’s face reddened as the hug tightened briefly, then ended and he watched Chad walk away._ _ _ _

____“What a guy,” he thought._ _ _ _

____X_ _ _ _

____The walk back to the park was long, but the isolated time to think was needed. He wanted to see how Rigby was holding up these days, because even though he hurt him, he was still his best friend. He still cared. But Mordecai figured it’d be better to settle things at work first. He was scared, anticipating their reactions. They all knew his sentence was six months, so maybe they were expecting him. He assumed they probably all forgot about him, but he thought that that was alright. Things change over time._ _ _ _

____Upon arriving at the gates, he took in the forgotten beauty of the scenery and foliage. Having worked there for so long, he stopped noticing the nature around him. It really was a beautiful sight, and he was almost overwhelmed; the park was huge, and there were tons of tall trees and colorful flowers and full bushes. The snow had melted and the animals had come out of hiding, accompanied by the people taking walks and sitting on the benches. He had to give Benson credit. He was a short-tempered hardass, but the end product was well worth the stress. He took his time walking all the way up to the house, looking around in all directions to take it all in._ _ _ _

____Thomas was the first to notice him coming. He was painting some bare patches on the outside of the house, when he turned his head and grinned as he laid eyes on him. Mordecai returned it, and the two joined in a quick, firm bro hug. It lasted a little bit longer than it needed to, but Mordecai had no problem with that._ _ _ _

____“Welcome back, dude! It’s been weird without you here,” he said, taking his gloves off._ _ _ _

____“Thanks, Thomas, but I dunno if Benson is actually gonna let me come back. He fired me last time I saw him.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh yeah, that’s right. Honestly, I’m sure that he’ll offer it to you again. We tried hiring new people like a bunch of times, but Benson didn’t like anyone.”_ _ _ _

____That was reassuring to hear. Mordecai gained a little hope, and was feeling more optimistic. He knew Benson secretly valued him as an employee, even if he _did _slack off a lot. He did actual work most of the time, he swears.___ _ _ _

______Pops saw them from upstairs, looking down at them from his bedroom window. He laughed. “Jolly good show! Mordecai is back!” He disappeared into the house and Mordecai smiled. Looks like things were going better than expected. Pops, Skips, Muscle Man, and Hi Five Ghost all met him outside. Pops took Mordecai’s hands in his own, full of joy and excitement._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I was going to pay your bail but Benson wouldn’t let me!” he said, voice still cheerful. “So here, for your troubles.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He dug into his pocket and pulled out a couple of lollipops, then dropped them in Mordecai’s open hand. He thanked him, genuinely._ _ _ _ _ _

______Muscle Man crossed his arms and huffed. On the bright side, his nose looked completely back to normal. Fives congratulated him on being released and gave him a high five. Mordecai was perfectly fine with not talking to Muscle Man. Soon after, they went back to doing whatever they were caught up in before, and Mordecai felt a large hand affectionately squeeze his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Skips,” he started, before being quieted. The older man took a moment to just look at him, then took a deep breath._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai, you’ve always been like a son to me. What happened six months ago was disappointing, but that’s in the past. It’s time to start new.” Mordecai nodded, the rush of guilt coming back to him once Skips said the word “disappointing.” Of all people, he regretted letting Skips down the most. He never hesitated in helping him and truly felt like a father figure. As cliche as it sounds, Mordecai wanted to make him proud._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You can’t let Muscle Man get to you. I’m not a big fan of him either, but he’s not worth getting arrested for.” He cleared his throat, like he was beginning to get emotional. “I have faith that you can put it all behind you and get your life back on track. You just went through a major setback, but I’m with you every step of the way.” Mordecai smiled sheepishly up at him. He was right, he always was. Mordecai couldn’t explain how lucky he was to have Skips in his life._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thanks, Skips. For everything.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______His last meeting was with Benson, who hadn’t come out to see him. Actually stepping foot inside the house threw memories and past experiences every which way at him. It felt good, but he didn’t allow himself to get used to it just yet. Everyone seemed thrilled to see Mordecai back, aside from Muscle Man. But he had to impress Benson with how much he had changed to try and win back his job. Even with Thomas’ aforementioned encouragement, Benson was still a strict boss, and most of the time, a difficult person to talk to. He knocked on the door to his office, which was slightly cracked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Come in.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey...Benson,” he greeted, hesitant. His old boss sat up straight in his chair, hands folded neatly on his desk. Every little decoration was in a specific spot, facing a specific direction. Benson was strict and hard, but extremely successful in what he did. Mordecai was nervous just standing there. He usually wouldn’t be that fazed due to Benson’s tendency to constantly raise his voice, but Mordecai’s job and overall quality of life were on the line._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hi, Mordecai. You can sit if you want.” That was surprisingly informal, but Mordecai wasn’t taking any chances. He slowly sat down in one of the cushioned chairs opposite the desk. He thought Benson could tell he was anxious, or maybe he was psyching himself out. Either way, it wasn’t helping anything._ _ _ _ _ _

______For a moment they just sat in silence. Mordecai’s heart raced as his leg rapidly moved up and down with nervous energy. He just had to say it outright, and hope for the best._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Benson-” he blurted, unthinking. “I want my job back.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______‘Shit shit shit that was so unprofessional,’ he thought, kissing his career goodbye._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Uh, what I meant to say, was that I came here to, um, ask- politely- for my job back. Uh, please.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Benson raised his eyebrows, clearly amused. He smirked. “Mordecai, relax. I’ve done a lot of thinking since you were away, as well as plenty of interviews for new employees.” He sat back in his chair, sending out a casual vibe._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What you did was unacceptable, but the law punished you enough for that. So, I want to offer you your old job. Most of the time you really pissed me off, but when you wanted to, you did good work.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Mordecai was about to jump out of the chair right that second and kiss Benson on his big forehead. But his boss leaned forward again._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You have to promise me you will stay out of legal trouble from here on out, because one more slip-up and I won’t be so quick to forgive.” Mordecai nodded furiously._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Secondly, I’m going to give you more hours during the week to really ensure that you earned your spot in this park. I can’t give a perfectly good position to someone who doesn’t deserve it.” Mordecai agreed again, barely being able to contain his happiness and relief._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, and one more thing,” Benson said, reaching into a drawer in the side of his desk, “If you’re going to fight Muscle Man, one solid hit will do the trick. He’s not that tough.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The park boss handed Mordecai the key to his old room, gave him a wink, then told him to get the hell out of his office. Mordecai thanked him about a thousand times before finally leaving. He couldn’t believe his luck. Things were looking up, and Skips was right; it was time to start over._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one!


	13. Chapter 13

The early June sun beat down relentlessly on Mordecai, as he hunched over the garden to pull up the weeds sprouting between the daisies and the carnations. The gloves protected his hands from the dirt, but expedited the production of sweat inside. He was almost done, thankfully. With only a few more obnoxious weeds to pull, he tossed the ones he was currently holding on top of the pile beside him, took a breath, and powered through. He could probably skip arm day at the gym tonight, since his biceps were burning by the time he completed his task.

Yes, Mordecai actually had a gym membership now, and went every other day. He was really trying to stay committed to this whole “fresh start” thing. He still held onto his pack of Marlboros, though; he wasn’t quite ready to give that up.

He stood up and took the gloves off, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm. It felt good to finish, and the garden looked so much prettier now, so that was a plus.

“You do good work, Mordecai,” his parole officer said, nodding. Mordecai laughed.

“Thanks, Alex.”

Everyone at the park had gotten used to his parole officer by now. He stuck around the house during the day and then he’d leave at night. Mordecai had to report to him every morning, and then they’d go back to the park so Benson could assign him jobs. It was an everyday type thing, and even Fives wasn’t anxious around him anymore. It was just something that he had to accept and deal with for the time being, and he was okay with it. Alex was probably the best case scenario too; he was incredibly laid back and relaxed, and never had to act all “bad cop” because Mordecai never gave him a reason to do so.

Muscle Man spent most of the time in his trailer these days. With Mordecai living in the house again, Benson ensured that the two would be separated as much as possible for a while. They were all adults, but their boss knew who the more mature one was. He still had assignments, but most of the time it was running errands. Some things never change.

The cold blast of air conditioning instantly cooled Mordecai down, eliciting an “ahh” from him upon entering the house. Now all he needed was a glass of ice cold water and maybe even a salad. Or a hamburger. He couldn’t eat a perfect diet all the time, and Skips was the best at the grill. There was no way he would turn one down. 

Skips and Benson stood side by side at the stove, cooking and talking and laughing. It had such a domestic vibe. He didn’t think on it any further.

“Lunch is ready. Hungry?” Benson asked, noticing Mordecai walk in the kitchen.

“Starving,” he answered, sitting down at the table. Alex sat next to him, and Benson helped Skips serve the plates and burgers. 

“Any toppings, Alex? Ketchup, mustard, mayo?” 

“Got any cheese?”

“You bet,” Benson said with a smile. He grabbed all the possible toppings from the fridge and set them down. Once they were all seated and eating, Mordecai looked at Alex. There was something he had been meaning to talk to Benson and Skips about. Even though he was his parole officer, he had confronted Alex about it first. And right now seemed like the perfect time to propose his idea. Mordecai swallowed his current bite.

“So, Benson, Skips,” he began, placing the burger back on his paper plate. The two looked at him expectantly. It helped that his boss happened to be in a good mood.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and…” he rubbed the back of his neck. The room was silent, but comfortable.

“I’m really considering going back to art school.” 

He had money saved up from before, but he never told them about it. That all eventually went to his lawyer for his court trial, so he was back to square one. He figured he didn’t need to bring that up. Both Benson and Skips knew he dropped out before, but they never expected him to go back. He continued talking to erase their chance to reply too soon- without hearing the rest of his proposition.

“And, uh, I’ve been saving up little by little. So that’ll help with student loans and all that.” They remained quiet. 

“So, by the time the new year rolls around, I’ll apply, and then if I get in, I’ll be at school that Fall.” He felt more words rise to his lips, but the hard facial expression Benson was making caused him to fall silent. Was this a bad idea? Benson wiped his mouth with his napkin and shrugged.

“Well, it seems like you’ve got it all figured out. I’m definitely not opposed to you going to college, Mordecai. Actually, I think it would be a great thing for you to do, especially now.”

The employee’s eyes lit up.

“What are you majoring in?” he asked.

“Fine arts.”

Benson’s pressed his lips together, indicating doubt. 

“Fine arts?” he reiterated.

Mordecai nodded.

“That’s… going to be tough. I’m not saying ‘don’t do it,’ but I think you know that chances of becoming a literal painter or sculptor or what-have-you are pretty slim.” Benson managed to look even more skeptical.

“And of course, we wouldn’t want you dropping out again.”

Mordecai nodded and did everything in his power to refrain from rolling his eyes. He _knew _that already. What he didn't know was why everyone had to tell him the same thing over and over. He was a little hurt by Benson’s lack of faith, but that didn't change his mind even in the slightest.__

__“I know, Benson. But I _know _this is what I wanna do,” he replied, desperately trying to get him to see his side. His boss sat back in his chair, arms crossed. He had to think it over. Mordecai directed his gaze from Benson to Skips, who was totally calm and relaxed. Mordecai almost couldn’t believe how these two were close friends; they were complete opposites.___ _

____“I see no problem with it at all, Benson. I think Mordecai should do it. He seems serious about it.” A smile stretched across Mordecai’s face as Skips expressed his support for the idea. He knew that he’d always have his back. Skips was the only one to ever convince the stubborn park boss of anything. If Benson was dead set on going right, Skips would ensure that he went left._ _ _ _

____“Alright, alright. If you’re absolutely positive, then I’m on board.”_ _ _ _

____Mordecai’s entire body relaxed; he didn’t even realize he was that tense. He was expecting them to approve, but was still a little bit skeptical since it was Benson he was dealing with after all. He took a victory bite of his hamburger; he couldn’t believe how good things were going. Mordecai didn’t want to jinx himself, but turning his life around never felt so rewarding._ _ _ _

____A knock on the front door interrupted the flow of conversation, as they all turned their heads toward the sound. Mordecai stood up to go answer it. Something was telling him that he should be the one to do so, but he didn’t understand why. Alex watched closely, just to be safe. Mordecai went over and opened the door._ _ _ _

____“Hey, dude.”_ _ _ _

____His heart seemed to stop beating at the sight. Rigby was standing there on the front porch. He looked a normal weight with color in his complexion and Mordecai was physically unable to move or say anything in that moment. Was he even registering what was happening right now?_ _ _ _

____“Can… can we talk? Or something,” Rigby said, looking down at his shoes. Mordecai just looked at him for the next few moments. He hadn’t seen or talked to Rigby in _months _. And now he was standing in front of him like a mundane thing. Mordecai’s face flushed red when he finally got in control of his body.___ _ _ _

______“Oh, uh, yeah sure. W-we can talk.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He shut the door behind him as he stepped outside. He shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do with himself or what to say. It had been so long._ _ _ _ _ _

______Rigby cleared his throat in a desperate attempt to clear the awkward air._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Nice hair.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Mordecai smiled._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s a prison cut.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Rigby’s eyes widened._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dude, that’s right! You were arrested- that’s fucking insane.” They shared a laugh._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, I know. Craziest six months of my life.” Rigby sat down on the first step._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Tell me about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Mordecai followed suit. A weight hit him in the chest as the action felt so familiar, yet it was so simple. Maybe because it was with Rigby. He had the power to do that sort of thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was… awful,” he began, as the natural smile noticeably fell from Rigby’s lips._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Everyday was the same routine. The food was as gross as you expect it to be. The other people…” the weight presses further down on his chest as an image of Taylor flashes across his mind. He suddenly can’t look him in the eye. Mordecai couldn’t muster the courage to tell Rigby that part of the story. He felt… weak. He didn’t want to come off that way and he definitely did not want Rigby to know that he suffered while they were apart. Of course he wasn’t exactly joyful, since he was in prison, but to admit to his ex lover that he was used and couldn’t defend himself… it was embarrassing._ _ _ _ _ _

______He’s rubbing his hands together, studying them, so that he wouldn’t have to face Rigby. “The other people are really what make it a horrible place.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The memories of his interactions with Taylor refuse to leave. He’s completely still, remembering each instance like it had happened the day before. The disgusted, worthless feeling came back. He even forgot he was with company._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mordecai-” Rigby raises his hand to touch his arm, but Mordecai flinches and instinctively moves away from him. His heart is racing._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you okay, man? What happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Mordecai takes a shaky breath. This is the first time he’s talking about it with another person. Skips didn’t even know. After a second of hesitation, he’s able to choke it out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I was raped.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Rigby reaches out to try and touch him affectionately again, but drops his hand. He notices the tears welling up in Mordecai’s eyes. Seeing the taller cry was a rare sight, but when it did happen, it was for something _major _.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“So.. what are you gonna do? You have to get help.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“There’s nothing I can do. Who knows where the guy is now?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rigby is allowed to inch closer to him. “Talk to someone. If it means anything, I know what therapy can do.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Mordecai smiles. “You’re right.” He wipes his nose._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Speaking of, I can’t believe you’re actually here. Last time I saw Don…” his voice lowered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...you couldn’t get out of bed.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rigby bit his lip. He was the one to avoid eye contact this time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. I got really bad in like, December. January and February I don’t really remember. I was asleep a lot and I lost a lot of weight. When it started to get warmer.. I started to appreciate the weather. I noticed the comfort in lightweight clothes. I started… enjoying things. I even ate a whole meal for the first time last month. Don was so proud he cried.” Rigby laughed at the memory. The smile lingered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I saw Lindy again last week, probably for the last time for a while. She said she thinks I have ‘seasonal affective disorder?’ It means during the Fall and Winter I just lose energy and depression hits me like a rock. Thinking about it, I think I’ve always had it. I dunno what made me so bad this time though,” he said, shrugging._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I dunno. It’s cool I guess.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Mordecai was looking at him intently as he listened to him talk. Hearing his improvement warmed his heart, and it made him genuinely happy for him. It was like he was seeing the old Rigby, but mixed in with a new, healed Rigby. He sat there on the step, just thinking how beautiful he was. He looked sickly before, but now there was this glow about him, making Mordecai fall head over heals again like the first time. He touched his arm as he finished his story._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m sorry I never contacted you when I got back. I’ve just been really busy. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you really needed-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t,” Rigby interrupted. “I’m the one who’s sorry.” Mordecai paused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I took you for granted, I cheated on you, and I used you. The depression fucked with my head, but that doesn’t make any of it okay.” Rigby took Mordecai’s hand in his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m so, so sorry. For everything. You were always right by my side, and I can’t thank you enough for everything you did for me.” A smile grew on his adorable, freckled face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And I’d love to still be friends, if you’re okay with that.” Mordecai was almost surprised at his words._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Friends?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, yeah. I didn’t really think you’d take me back after, like, everything.” Mordecai moved in closer to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dude, the last thing I wanna do is move on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Really?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, duh. I’m in love with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A deep red blush seeped into Rigby’s cheeks. He looked away again, but not from shame this time. Mordecai felt his heart fill with happiness and flowers and love._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Rigby, can I kiss you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You’re so lame.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Whatever,” Mordecai said, rolling his eyes. The two leaned in, and that one simple kiss was enough to break down any barrier that had been built up between them. Mordecai was reminded of how much he enjoyed kissing Rigby, and just being physically close to him in general._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________After pulling away, Rigby covered his face with his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You have no idea had good that felt.” Mordecai just laughed and stroked his hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You know, I think this summer’s gonna be even better than the last.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Really?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. Things are good again. And I’m even planning on applying to art school next year.” Rigby looked up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Dude, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” His enthusiasm proved the authenticity of his statement. Rigby knew that that was something that was important to Mordecai, and an idea that he tossed around but never actually did anything about it. And now, it was happening. The surreality had yet to set in for Mordecai, but the excitement remained._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Thanks, man,” he said, gently touching Rigby’s leg._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You wanna come inside? We’re having lunch.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Is that okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah dude, totally. You’re always welcome here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Mordecai held out his hand as he stood up onto the porch, helping Rigby to his feet. The shorter pulled him in for a hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I love you too.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You think you’ll ever move back in?” Mordecai asked. Rigby shrugged._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Maybe. When I’m ready.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________With that, they entered the house. Having Rigby back caused a tidal wave of emotions to engulf Mordecai, but it ultimately settled. Whatever happened in the past and whatever happens down the road couldn’t mean half as much to him as seeing Rigby healthy again. It felt good to know that his fresh start on life included his best friend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The End._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end :') I had a lot of these chapters already written, which is why they went up fairly quickly. I just had to write the last one, and now here we are!  
> Thank you for reading, it really does mean a lot to me
> 
> xoxo


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